why?

the last few days have been so emotional for me.
wednesday was full of phone calls and emails and a lot more hugs from people i'd normally just smile and say, "hi!" to.

as the day wore on, and the news finally came in about who the woman was, it was such a weird combination of relief and grief. relief that it hadn't been me...or any of the many women that i run with or know that run in my neighborhood. and deep, deep grief...the woman was a single mom. 2 daughters. they weren't able to ID her for many hours, so her daughters stayed home from school not knowing where their mom was. i'm having a hard time sleeping, as the scenes that happened that day play in my mind.

our neighborhood has been rocked. we are a tight community. and a very active one. this has hit everyone hard, but those of us that run in those dark, early morning hours have been rocked in a way that others probably don't quite understand. we know it could have so easily have been us. but it wasn't. it was her. and we are joining together to help in any way we can. meals and groceries have been signed up for for weeks and weeks. $70,000 has been raised for her daughters in less than 48 hours. it's beautiful.

when pat got home that evening, our hug was a little bit tighter and a little bit sweeter.

thursday i couldn't run. i just couldn't.
and i mostly just went through my day and took it in. all the little moments. all the beauty. all i take for granted every single day.

these 3 brothers? they have a WHOLE house. but they are usually in about 2 square feet of space. and talking about all kinds of silly stuff. playing "family" here...sawyer was the dog, lincoln the dad and levi the "kid" - NOT THE BABY! :-)

why me? why her? why am i given life one more day and she isn't? why am i able to watch my kids play? why am i able to sit and read a chapter book to my kids for an HOUR because we had nothing going on that evening (first time in forever!!)? why couldn't she have just been hurt? why did she have to die? i know things happen. i know the world we live in is broken and we all have to die. i just hurt for her daughters. hurt for her family. hurt for her friends.

this afternoon, i finally made my way to the memorial for her. i added my shoes. i prayed some more, because it's all i know to do.

tomorrow i will run. for her. and for the breath i have been given that day. we can't take one day or one breath for granted.