Friday, April 24, 2015

love

nearly 4 years ago, that word took on a different meaning in this heart of mine.

i became the mom to a broken little boy that hadn't known what a mom was for the first 4 years of his life. i opened my arms and heart wide, i smiled big and answered all the questions. i had no idea where this road was taking us - he and i - but i knew God had put us together so we were walking forward, moment by moment.

{on the floor of the airport in ethiopia. telling him "i love you" in his language. we only had touch and facial expressions to share...and i wanted to SPEAK words to his heart so badly.}

my heart has been bruised, hurt and abused by the brokenness that has poured out of this little boy. and his heart has been bruised, hurt and abused by the brokenness that has poured out of my heart. i was not prepared for any of it. i just wasn't. and i haven't responded well all the time. we've hurt each other so many times, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes just because we're so entwined in each other that our sin pours out and it's effects are far-reaching.


he is so quick to forgive. i try to be quick to ask for that forgiveness.
we aren't perfect at any of it, and i think we've both learned we can't do this in our own strength. we keep going to the only One that can help us. we pray together. we talk about who God is and how much He loves us no matter what. sometimes we look at each other with lies in our eyes, but looking to God always proves true. so that's where we go.
we are still waiting with hope that he will trust us one day. that his need to take care of himself and his anxiety in the world around him will fade away, and he will let us take care of him.
the tension in our relationship is as much my heart not trusting as it is his heart not trusting. when i say that i love this little boy, it's not the hallmark-valentines-day kind of love. i love this little boy through all my sin, through all his brokenness and only because God is with us every step of the way. it's a messy, hard, beautiful, strong love that i believe with ALL my heart will be fully redeemed one day. and, until then, i will not stop loving him no matter what our moments look like.
{the difference in the above and below pictures are 1 year. the day i started homeschooling him. and a year later.}
many say that lincoln is "lucky" to be in our family. but the real truth is that, because of this amazing little boy, every member of our family has grown and changed and seen who God REALLY is and who we really are and how much we all need Jesus every moment of every day. and what a BIG and DEEP thing LOVE truly is.


 And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
{from Our God, by Chris Tomlin
the song i picked to play with our "at the airport" slideshow.
i had NO idea how perfect the words would be...}


cassada homecoming! from jenn gorrie on Vimeo.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

all out

some days are just lived all out. do you know what i mean? you go and go. and God sends some surprises your way, and you adjust. and you keep going, with Him as your strength. last friday was one of those days.

an added bonus was friday pizza dinner on the back porch! our first dinner out there this spring.
we had a number of things ahead of us for the evening, but i just needed 5 minutes to lay FLAT before i could GO. it helped! ;-)

grocery shopping team

every year for nearly 14 years, my "grocery shopping crew" has changed. here it is for this year. i can't miss the blessing it is that God gave the 3 of us this year together. when we adopted lincoln, i grieved over the years we lost with him. but, God gave us this last year and a half together that was a surprise and, hopefully, used by Him.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

baseball is not boring

i used to think baseball was boring. until my son fell in love with it AND pitches! my stomach is in knots the whole time he is pitching. thankfully, he does well and we are so proud of him!

never enough

my sister, hannah, and i get together for dinner as often as we can. which is NOT enough. time with her is never enough. but this last time we got together, pat and john (her husband) also ate dinner together. we met at the same place...and ate at 2 different tables. i love that pat and john enjoy each other! and every minute i get with my sister is a GOOD one!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

beauty to the core

this eldest daughter of mine takes my breath away. and not just with her outer beauty (although that does, too!) but mostly with her heart. and her spirit.

the way she handled having crutches and a cast for the past month was amazing. she never complained. just pushed through and didn't let it stop her from experiencing life at ALL. it taught me so much! {and she got her cast off yesterday!! she's WALKING!!}
she amazes me. this particular day that i took these pictures (in the parking lot of church as i was dropping her off at youth group - she's such a good sport with her crazy, camera-carrying mom!) i was blown away multiple times. i noticed she was wearing her glasses (she usually wears contacts.) and i asked her why she wasn't wearing her contacts. she said, "oh. my contacts were bothering my eyes this morning, so i just didn't wear them." when i think back to myself at her age, it would have RUINED my day if something was wrong with my contacts and i had to wear glasses. she is so CONFIDENT in who she is, and it's so beautiful and powerful! it challenges me so much!
with any personality, there are weaknesses and areas to grow in. she sure has some with her STRONG personality. but she is SO teachable. when her dad or i guide her in one of these areas, she's so quick to listen, write a post-it to remind herself of what she learned (!! for REAL!) and put it by her bed to remind herself. having a teachable spirit is one of the most beautiful, beneficial things to walk through this life with.
her heart has been broken for haiti and the children she fell in love with there. this past sunday, she told her dad and i separately that God spoke clearly to her about what He wants her to do with her life. the way she looked straight in my eyes...the intensity of her words...the light in her eyes, well, i'm still crying about it today as i write this. to have my child love God with all her heart, to the point that she is willing to do whatever He asks of her, even at the age of 13, could not fill my heart with more joy.

she has spent HOURS this past week, planning and scheming how to get back to haiti THIS summer. she's looked up plane tickets. counted the cost. started brainstorming how to fundraise. pat and i aren't sure if it's even possible...but we aren't about to squash her excitement. who are we to tell her, "it can't happen" "it's too crazy of an idea" "it's too soon"?? at this point we are enjoying her excitement...and trying to ask her questions to make sure she's thinking through every detail. whether it happens this summer or not, she WILL be going back there one day (so will her momma! ;-))

pat says he's always prayed for her to be a "single missionary"...looks like half is coming true already :-) it is such an honor to be this girls mom.

Friday, April 17, 2015

the LIVE version

remember this painting pat commissioned a man to do for me?
here's the real LIVE version of it. pretty accurate, wouldn't you say?? :-)