Monday, May 23, 2016

where is your hope?

i'm going to be honest. life is hard. like, really hard. there is so much hurt. some just from "life" - sickness, pain. and some from our own choices - we hurt each other, we make bad choices and suffer the consequences.

this picture was taken a couple weeks ago (see the sun in the picture?! it's been absent for WAY too long!) I was on the floor with Corey. Sawyer was outside playing and came inside just to tell me something. he HAD to share something that had happened out there. I don't remember what it was. but I remember my heart swelling that he wanted to SHARE his life with me so badly that he stopped and came inside. I remember loving the dirt on his shoes, the dirt on his legs, kissing his fresh scratch up his leg (that he didn't even know was there until I did it.)  I gave him my full attention and listened to his sweet story. I get this wrong SO many times. but this time I didn't. and I still remember it 2 weeks later. isn't that awesome?

these are the moments that get me through the hard ones. we HAVE to find joy in our days. it takes stopping sometimes. looking around. taking it in. it's usually the really small stuff that brings us the most joy. but we have to STOP and LOOK to see it. hurt and pain are everywhere. but hope and joy are, too. we live in a world that is groaning...aching to be made new. we feel that every day. but God is gracious enough to walk alongside us here until that day comes. and, because He is here, there is grace and peace and joy.

where have you seen it today??

Tuesday, May 17, 2016


I've read so many good books lately. I have to share some quotes..

"Love doesn't tick boxes on a to-do list in order to live its real life on vacation somewhere else. Love pours itself out, right where it is. Love does things right, does them well, takes care."

Christie Purifoy from Roots and Sky

Friday, May 13, 2016

no baseball...

Joshua and sawyer BOTH chose to play soccer this spring instead of baseball...pat and I were both sad. but we have always said we'd let THEM pick their sports. :( we miss baseball, for sure!

but it IS fun (and shorter!!) to watch soccer games!

I brought my "big" camera to take team pictures for Joshua's team...and grabbed a couple action shots, too.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

this season

this season of life is taking me a long time to adjust to. I still miss 3 hour naptimes and 8 pm bedtimes for all children. the magnitude and importance of my job seems to get bigger with each passing year. that would be overwhelming if I didn't trust that God was ultimately in control of them all...their actions, personalities and who they become. YET, He has given them to ME to mother. and I have never, nor will I ever, take that job lightly.

this winter/spring I chose to love and serve by watching sweet Corey. my kids have handled it so gracefully. she is not the easiest or quietest baby, and they have handled her effects on our home and on their mom with grace. I have noticed, in the afternoons, when they are all home and she is the most needy, that they don't ask much of me. I have to seek THEM out. and I do. sawyer and I played a whole game of War yesterday afternoon. I was down to 1 card, and came back and won! :-)

in the few minutes of quiet I might have during the day, I try to think through and process each child...what did I notice the day before? what do I need to ask them about? there's so much...friends they mention, classes they like or don't, teachers, subjects they are struggling in, church activities they went to that I want to ask them about, who they played with at recess...and in all these things, I desire to point them to Jesus. to how He is working and using them in all those things, in all those areas.

I need to do posts soon on each kid, and who they are and where they are. they are each amazing. and changing all the time. I want to remember who they are TODAY.

the last few months have been hard. heavy. and not really fun.

pat's been pretty overwhelmed at his job. I've been pretty overwhelmed at home. and most of our time together is spent talking about "heavy" stuff.

the last year has been the hardest of our marriage so far. some of it is because we both choose to not love the other well. but some of it is because we are choosing to love better, to dig deeper, and to bring out some stuff that has been pushed down for a lot of years. it's messy and not fun. but having a "fine" marriage is not an option. we will fight for each other and dig and forgive and chose love over and over and over. i'm so thankful for friends. the kind that will step in and fight WITH you for your marriage when things seem bigger than you can handle. relationships are hard. but God created us for them, and when done well, they are so beautiful.

and this is the year that I heal my body. and my mind of how I treat my body. this has been a 5 month journey so far. it's been hard and is so much more mental than physical. but i'm trusting that progress is being made. I spent a LOT of years abusing my mind and body with how I fed and thought of it, it's not going to be "fixed" in 21 days...or even 30. I see small, positive changes both physically and mentally and i'm hopeful. i'll share more on that at some point. but it's included sweet tea every day, being able to do my first real pull-up in my life after working at it for 2 years, and choosing rest over running some mornings.

summer is coming. we have 1 month! I want to use it well. I want to know my God and my kids better at the end of it than the beginning. is that enough goals? no summer list again. but there are other things I want to focus on...still working it all out in my head and heart. it's always on my "to-do" list...but never high enough priority that I actually get to it...I need to!

it's been raining for 2 weeks. SERIOUSLY. I can hardly take it anymore. it takes SO much more energy to be motivated. i'm over it! I need some SUN! I know it will come...but this is ridiculous.

happy Thursday to you. what's at the top of your list today? I need to meal plan and make my grocery list for grocery shopping tomorrow morning...


"go play."

this is what my house used to look like 100% of the time...little kids playing.

now half of my kids are doing homework/checking texts/mowing other people's grass for money. life is changing (I know, I know...i'm trying to adjust!!!)

but i'm thankful I still have these guys to just "go play." it is the SWEESTEST thing for my heart to watch them bounce from one thing to another...and to know they are LEARNING while they are playing...and to join them when I can!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016


sawyer and his friend, luke, are the cutest. they are at each other's houses nearly every afternoon. we live close enough that they can walk/ride bikes/rollerblade back and forth. they are on the same soccer team. again. luke handles the dynamics of sawyer and his brothers very well...which is why he's allowed here whenever possible. he's a GOOD friend, and i'm thankful for sawyer to have him right around the corner!

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

my letterfolk board

I spent some money i'd been saving on this board i'd been wanting for awhile. they had a sale and I couldn't wait any longer!

i'm trying to make these words in our home a little "lighter" and add a little humor. we have LOTS of words around, but most are deep and hard and convicting. :-)

this is a challenge for me. but the kids love it!

this one I kept adding to as the week went on. and it KEPT raining day after day after day...