Wednesday, April 27, 2016

why am i here?

don't worry. i'm just talking about "here" at this space on the internet, not "here" in the world!

I can only get SO deep ;-)

my purpose here has always been MOSTLY so that my kids would KNOW who I was as a PERSON one day when they look back. I started this space when my kids were babies (a friend recently sent me this picture! can you even take it?!), when "all" I did all day was feed them and change them and carry them from place to place, and wash their clothes and kiss their chubby cheeks and put them down for naps. there was a LOT going on in my heart even when what my hands did were the same small chores day after day. I wanted them to know ME one day, I wanted them to know what I was thinking as I mothered them.

Rebekah will be 15 years old this year. Levi is going to be 6. {sorry moms of little ones...} but I am just as busy, if not MORE, as I was back then. i'm still physically busy (ironically, changing diapers and kissing chubby cheeks - but that's another story! SWEET COREY!) by choice. but my BRAIN is full all day with who these kids are, with praying for them, with responding to their hourly texts (!!), with managing their lives and schedules and activities.

i'm here a lot less. and it's bothered me for awhile. I used to miss it when I wasn't here. I used to NEED it to process life. and I used to feel sad for the ways I was forgetting to document things for my kids one day.

I still do like to process through writing. and i'd love to get to a place where I could do that more. but right now isn't the least not for it to be a huge priority.

but I think I've figured out something big. instead of my babies "needing" me to document who their mom is as she mothers them, right now, my kids need me to LIVE OUT who I am in front of them. and that is NOT with a computer sitting in front of my face. they are old enough now to SEE who I am (and they do! they convict me and call me out on things all.the.time.) and to remember who I am and how I live. they don't need me to write it all out.

they do love to look back through these books from the blog. and I hope to continue to document life and even thoughts and things God is teaching me. i'm just thankful I've figured out that the purpose of this space needs to change. change is good. and I hope you'll come along for the ride :-)

{I also find it much easier to post quick "daily" pictures and thoughts on Instagram...follow me there!! courtneycassada :-)}

Monday, April 25, 2016

even joshua is in love

a rare moment caught on tape - ha!
even Joshua is in love with this sweet girl :-)

Friday, April 22, 2016

the only One i can trust

my heart is so fickle, if I could trade in for a better version, I would.

we've been memorizing a verse from Jeremiah this week:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

it's so true.

I've committed this year to try to heal my body and mind with how I look at feeding my body. and it's hard. and tedious. and I want to quit. I was SO close to quitting earlier this week. it would be easier to go back to the ways I've known...unhealthy ways...but then He shows me how the work I've done has already healed my mind AND body in REAL ways. my heart is deceitful. but HE is trustworthy.

I doubt Pat's love for me. even though I just got a text from him telling me he loves me (and I usually NEVER hear from him during the day.) my heart is deceitful. but HE is trustworthy.

I doubt that He will provide for us. when, just this morning, I went and bought a couple hundred dollars worth of food for our family for the next week. and I even bought cookies that we don't NEED. my heart is deceitful. but HE is trustworthy.

the Bible is FULL of stories that show this...that show OUR doubt and even disobedience, followed by HIS faithfulness and forgiveness.

I know I will doubt again. probably even in a few minutes. but my heart and all it's fickle ways can never change His un-ending love and faithfulness and provision for me. and you. He is WORTH trusting.

taking over the dentist

we take over the dentist' office when we go. it's always quite the sight!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

teaching time management

Rebekah and I have been in a good place lately. it hasn't always be, and it probably won't always be the case, so i'm enjoying every second of it now.

she was mentioning that she never feels like she has enough time to do all she wants and needs to get done. (this was in a texting conversation. when she was at school. "learning.") I reminded her she was talking to the "queen of time management" and that we should sit down and talk through it all.

so we did that afternoon.

we listed out what she NEEDS to do. what she wants to do. and then made a plan.

I challenged her with her phone. to set some guidelines (rules, if you will) with herself; like, I won't touch my phone until i'm done with my homework. I didn't MAKE it a rule, just asked her to try it and see how it went.

we're on week 2. she leaves her phone on the kitchen counter when she gets home until she's done exercising and has finished her homework. she is amazed how much time she was spending on her phone. she is loving the freeing feeling once she does pick up her phone, and is DONE with her homework, that nothing is hanging over her head as she's catching up with her friends. i'm really proud of her!

it's challenged me to re-evaluate where I might need to set some boundaries in my own day...

turning 39

I had the MOST perfect birthday weekend. my birthday was on a sunday (april 10). I chose to treat the whole weekend like it was my birthday :-) we didn't have anything early on Saturday, so I stayed up LATE and finished the book I was reading on Friday night. then I got up and ran the longest distance I've ever run in my life on Saturday (16 miles!)

Saturday night, pat took me out to dinner (cheesecake factory!)

sunday, ON my birthday, sawyer wore a button up shirt to church (HUGE act of love ;-)). we went to Panera for breakfast and I got the orange scone that I always WANT but never get. for dinner that night we went to Cava. Rebekah and Joshua played a worship song that they had practiced together in secret just for my birthday!

it was all simple stuff. but made me feel so loved and happy!

climb on up

I was reading in "my chair" early one morning. sawyer stumbled out of his room, walked down the stairs and climbed into my chair with me. I think we smiled at each other. i'm sure I kissed him. but I don't think any words were spoken. I do know my heart loved every second.