love

"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love." Francis Chan

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:3

 “Tell me how much you know of the sufferings of your fellow man and I will tell you how much you have loved them.” ― Helmut Thielicke

 

the last couple weeks (a month?) i've been bitter. hurt. angry. hard. putting up walls and protecting my weary, broken heart.

let me tell you, it's not a fun way to live. not at all. 

i snapped out of it monday afternoon. i spent about 2 minutes feeling guilty for the past month and all the time i "wasted" being bitter.hurt.angry.hard. and then moved on. i needed to go through that. i'm done with wallowing in guilt for all the stupid things i do. i'm certain i'll do it again. but maybe for not as long? or maybe not as deeply? i don't know. 

i needed to go through it so that i could see things with the clarity that i now have on the other side. 

LOVE.

that's it. 

not the hallmark kind. the REAL kind. the kind from the God that sent His Son to DIE for my sins. His PERFECT Son. to DIE for all the things i do ON PURPOSE to hurt myself and others. THAT love. He sent that love to die for us. and He willingly GIVES us that love to flow through us to others. we can't love that way. we can try. but we will fail. ONLY He can love that way. but He WANTS to love that way THROUGH US!

what an honor. what freedom.

no matter what he (she/they/whatever!) do to us, don't do to us, what matters is how we love. don't think about it. don't question it. just DO IT. we know how to love. He's shown us. it's not complicated (ok. maybe sometimes it is, a little bit, but it shouldn't be!) 

how does that look? like, right now in my day? stop thinking and pondering and trying to "figure things out." for me, it's looking him in the eye and saying, "i love you" and giving him a real hug. no matter what happened at school. no matter if i see "that guilt look" in his eyes. no matter if hugging him is like hugging a 2 x 4 piece of wood. 

i've learned this lesson before. and here i am again. protecting my heart feels like the "safe" thing to do in the moment. and sometimes it's literally all i can do to survive and get through the next hour. i'm sure i'll do it again. but it's not how God has called me to live. His love isn't safe. His love calls me to tear down the walls and open myself up for whatever may come in order for His love to be shown.