i've missed it. and i don't have long, but i need to write so here i go.
i need space. and i need quiet. yet, as a mom of 6 and a life full of so many people and blessings every day, i don't get space or quiet very often. it's ok. until it's not. :-)
i've set boundaries in my typical days to make sure i get the space and quiet i need. it's doesn't have to be long or much, but it does have to be almost every day. the last week or so, there have been hardly any days where those "typical" quiet spaces happened and i was starting to see the results. unfortunately, the results look like me being snippy with pat and my kids and not being able to enjoy them for who they are...and it makes us all sad. it's not pretty.
thankfully, they are all gracious with me and when i say, "i need to just go to my room." they know i'm telling the truth and they gladly let me go.
i spent an hour or so in my room this afternoon, reading and dozing.
when i walked down the stairs, i saw the above scene...rebekah sitting outside all alone, drawing what she was seeing around her. i stood there and tears welled up in my eyes. it was so beautiful. and, also, i was able to see her...REALLY see her and take her in and i knew "I" was back.
i miss "me" when life has sucked "me" all away. i wish it didn't happen as quickly as it does, but it does and i can't fake it. i've learned that i can't try to be "me" once "me" is sucked dry...it never works and it usually ends up with pat and i fighting or me sobbing on the bedroom floor in the fetal position (or both.)
all of this makes me feel weak. but i don't think this is an area i can get stronger in. i think this is how i am and i need to take care of it for the health of myself and my family. i also think it's a way that God is made strong in my weakness. and i hope my kids see it (one day) as a way that i took care of myself and not as a way that i was weak.
summertime isn't an easy time around here to find space or quiet, but He continues to provide it exactly when i need it.
4 comments:
I don't think this is weakness at ALL. I know you know this, but even Jesus is FAMOUS for slipping off by Himself to pray and NEEDING time alone to be with His Father (draw strength, ponder, etc.). I think this is just one way (among many!) that you look like Him! Don't beat yourself up about it. Use the time when you have it and return to the "fray" filled up like He did :)
So glad you had a chance to find your "me" in the midst of the busy. Summer has this illusion of being a slower time in life, but it fills up just as fast as the other seasons...sometimes more so!
So glad you had a chance to find your "me" in the midst of the busy. Summer has this illusion of being a slower time in life, but it fills up just as fast as the other seasons...sometimes more so!
I love this and I agree - not a weakness - actually a strength for being disciplined enough to make sure you get it in your day!
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