Friday, August 26, 2011

about to land

this was our plane. as it was about to land here in virginia after leaving africa 17 hours before.
we'd been gone 3 weeks.
we left sawyer behind.
we added 2 sons while we were there.
we'd been through sickness and scariness and frustration {unREAL frustration!} and miracles and darkness and beauty.

the journey was long and amazing.

the emotions. the feelings that were pulsing through my body at THIS.VERY.MOMENT were more than i can describe.
if i could have jumped out the window and gotten there faster, i would have.
i ached.
i yearned.

yet i was held suspended above ground. 

i wanted to be on US soil. with my BABY. in my HOME. with my CHICK FIL A :-)

on solid ground. just get me to solid ground and i'll be ok.

we landed. i held my baby. and went to my home and have had plenty of chick fil a.

but i have yet to land.

and i'm realizing that i might never land. He is holding me.
through His calling and leading, and our obedience and determination, we are in a place where He is holding us above ground.

we can't land. the solid ground we once knew isn't there anymore. we can't go back to it.

how did i get here? one step at a time. one little step at a time.

this isn't comfortable. oh, i have moments where i want to jump out the window of the plane.
i wish i could say, "but then i look at their eyes and it's all fine."
or "but then i go kiss their sleeping faces and it's all ok."
but i can't. 

i raise my eyes to HIM and it's ok.
i cry myself to sleep begging HIM to bring me mercy anew the next morning and it's ok.

one day i'll land in His arms...completely exhausted from FLYING for so many years on HIS flight plan! :-)


Liza said...

This is so beautiful, Courtney. Keep flying :)

Mandy said...

this is beautiful. we are not called to comfort. what an example you are of this truth.

Renee said...

Beautifully really hits home for me in so many ways. And I think many AP have yet to land. But with God's help and time Lord willing you will get closer to the ground. :)

Leighann said...

I relate to this post so much... the solid ground is no longer there and some days i wish I can jump off the plane. But God is so faithful... thanks for the wonderful words.