Monday, June 20, 2011

rwanda, day #7 (that felt like day #37)

a VERY hard day for me.
the boys slept until 5:30 am. which, i guess, is good. it was still dark, so it didn't feel good. but, they didn't wake up in the night. i just woke up a lot hearing their "new' noises.
father's day AND hannah's 25th birthday!!!
went to breakfast and then to play at the playground for a little bit.
got picked up for church. quite the experience :) LOVED when the girls from the church came and took my girls' hands and led them away. when i walked over to the church door to look out into the property just to check on them, LOVED seeing them all holding hands!
spent most of the afternoon crying. this is just all very overwhelming. one of my greatest joys in life is KNOWING my kids. and loving them how they need to be loved. i don't KNOW lincoln and levi - and it's just hard and overwhelming to me. not to mention the new country we are in, the 1 meal a day we eat, little time to exercise to relieve stress, no time to process for my brain/heart that needs LOTS of time to process. i just cried and cried. skyped with my mom and dad - that was good for me.
had a great evening together. we walked to sole luna - which we had been to and knew we liked. it was just us, which was also nice. a little more relaxing for us. enjoyed celebrating hannah!!! in the best way we could.
skyped with sawyer again - that was SO good to hear his voice. when i think about any of his precious features, tears just stream down my face...his beautiful eyes, his long eyelashes, his smile, his cheeks, his warm hand in mine....i knew it would be hard leaving him. but i had no idea how much it would PHYSICALLY cause me pain. he is doing GREAT and i'm so thankful for that!!
realized joshua had a fever and just hadn't seemed "himself" that day....talked to one of our contacts here and she was concerned...said to call her in the morning and let her know how he was doing. this did NOT help me sleep well...
rwanda. i love you. but i'm ready to go HOME.



Tammy said...

sweet Courtney! my heart swells for you. All i can say is that change is HARD, even wonderful changes are HARD. Just let it be hard and rest in knowing that He who carried you this far is NOT going to leave you now. I love you!!

Renee said...

Hang in there! I totally know that feeling...wanting to just be home, not "knowing" the person you're taking care of. Sooner than you know you will know those little boys and know how best to love them. I love all of the pictures. Beautiful. I have to say, everything looks quite clean and nicely landscaped. I love the pictures of the girls at church. What language is spoken there?

Mandy said...

you are amazing and inspiring. the sacrifices you are making to bring these boys into your family, the room you are making in your huge heart to love them, the ability to see His perspective and His heart and then DO what He's called you to do. it's just, well, it's REMARKABLE. i'm so proud "know" you and call you friend.

Katy said...

I can only imagine the intense desire to just get back HOME with these boys where you can really get down to beginning life again!!! It is so hard for me to be away that long - especially when I know that everything in you wants so bad to get back to "normal" and into your new routines with all the kids. You will know their hearts very soon - praying that God continues to show you each day LITTLE ways that you can love them and a little bit more of their hearts each day.

Kim said...

Thank you so much for writing and posting pictures! We continue to pray for health and rest for all of you, for you to get the "magic" paper that you need, for your heart as you get to know your boys and ache for sawyer all at the same time, for sawyer and gma's and gpa's taking care of him, and for an amazing sense of peace and strength that only comes from Him. Thinking of all of you as you contine this journey!