day 1 done

well, that was ugly.
i'm struggling right now with HUGE disappointment...and frustration...and failure.

i'm feeling like i just wasted a whole DAY!
if you know me, you know i hate to waste a MINUTE...much less a DAY!
i'm about to explode from the inside out.

woke sawyer up from his nap early to have more time before soccer practice in the hopes that we'd have success.
he did wear a diaper for his nap and he did pee a little in it. not a lot.
he pretty much sat on the toilet from 3-4:30 when we had to leave to drop joshua off.
we dropped joshua off (didn't stay and play so we could rush home to watch sawyer sit on the toilet! yippee for everyone! can you hear the sarcasm?) it was a GORGEOUS day outside...but we were sitting in the bathroom.
got home and he sat there for most of the time from 5-5:40 (he did get up to eat dinner - gourmet - ham sandwiches and apples)
rushed to pick joshua up and drop rebekah off and got home to take baths.
i thought, "this is it!" he always pees once that bath water starts!
so, sat him on the toilet and started the bath water running.
he didn't pee!
after making him sit there for a few minutes, i picked him up, dunked him in the bath and cleaned him...all the while watching his weiner to make sure he didn't pee. he didn't.
got him out and back on the toilet he went...it's about 6:30 at this point.
at around 6:50 i let him get off for a minute...i felt so bad for him. his legs were probably asleep from sitting there that long! he was getting frustrated (really for the first time all day) and i was beyond frustrated! but i KNEW he had to pee. i let him get off for a minute while i returned one of the phone calls from today (i am behind on so much after today!)

and then i hear, "MOM! he's peeing all over me!"
he peed all over bailey as she was sitting on the bathroom floor reading a book to him.
i know.
totally wanted to kick myself!
he held it from 3-7 pm and i threw it away by stupidity!

total from day 1: 5 accidents, NO success

i'm so frustrated i can barely see straight.
and i'm frustrated that i'm allowing a stupid thing like potty training frustrate me so much!

BUT...let's focus on the good things from today:
i had some good one on one time with sawyer. like, hours. he's a pretty happy kid and it didn't get hard til the very end of the day.
i also had some good one on one time with bailey - just because we were home and had nothing else on the schedule!
i "saved" quite a few diapers.
the sweetest moment: all 5 of us were in the bathroom, sawyer on the toilet and he wanted to be "done" and we were trying to keep him there so we all sang him "jesus loves me" and he sang too. it was so cute. and kinda funny to think about the scene...
i didn't cry. i cried with all the others. and so far he's the hardest and i didn't cry.
i kept my cool the whole time...you wouldn't have wanted to see my heart/thoughts. but i kept my cool to my kids.

that's all i got.
sorry for the ridiculous day of posts.

day 2 tomorrow...i'm not giving up yet...