Monday, September 6, 2010

the last day of summer

pat took the kids to the farm this morning.
it was such a gift for me.
i wanted to be with them.
but i had SO much to get done.

and it was hard to watch them drive off.
but they had a great time.
and i got a lot done.

my heart feels very raw.
tears are right below the surface.
so many things feel left "undone"...conversations that were left unsaid this past week, memories that didn't happen...and it was all so crazy that i don't feel like i've processed it...i've had to just KEEP GOING.

and this week ahead...rebekah is not excited about starting school, joshua will be in school ALL DAY and i will MISS him! and bailey is starting kindergarten. all 3 start soccer this week. pat starts softball on tuesday nights. we're jumping in with both feet.

i know it will be fine...once we get in a groove.

it's just a lot.
my heart is raw and uneasy and just not in a very "stable" place.

i'll have a choice each moment.
to give into falling into worry or despair or frustration over all that will be before me.
or to give it to Him and fall in His arms.

the last few days i've chosen the worry/despair/frustration choice and it's pretty miserable.

i can't change the circumstances or events ahead.
but i CAN change my reactions and i pray that i would hold steadfast to Him.

______________________________________________________________

we didn't cross everything off our summer list.
and i'm ok with it...

sawyer will get potty-trained soon.
i just didn't want to ruin a weekend of our summer with it.

we didn't do the baseball game or movie night or the metro because we already had too many "fun"activities going on.

we didn't make ice cream because i didn't feel like it :-)

we're all ready for tomorrow morning.
backpacks lined up...clothes laid out...

had a nice dinner on the porch.
had a little "talk" about working hard and making good choices as we head into a new school year.
and read "The Kissing Hand"

i hope i sleep tonight.
i have no "to do list" for tomorrow.
the goals are:
to get everyone to school and back.
to be ready to hear ANYTHING they want to tell me.
to get rebekah and joshua to soccer practice and somehow eat dinner in the midst.
and to get everyone in bed tomorrow night.

no problem, right?? :-)

now i'm all caught up!

4 comments:

Ali said...

praying you can sleep and for the kids first day. I hope there aren't too many tears from Bailey.

Kim said...

praying, praying, praying for you dear friend. holly and i are in tears about heading back to school tomorrow after the long weekend and we already have 10 days of school under our belt (this has been such a HARD transition for her to go all day - which makes it hard for me). i have felt like we have all been holding our breath to get to this weekend and now it is done and we have to find our fall "groove". i am praying for you as your family transitions to a new schedule etc. don't forget your big sunglasses. :) sleep well!!

Holly said...

phew

Katy said...

i've been thinking about your sweet family all morning - prayed for them all, but especially for sweet bailey this morning. praying she is very excited...has a fabulous teacher, and another girly girl in her class to be her bestest little friend. praying that joshua has a likeminded little boy for him too - and that sweet rebekah will remember how much she loves it!!! :) love you - and can't wait to catch up with you soon...but i'm going to let you catch your breath first! ;)