Tuesday, September 7, 2010

the first day of school 2010

i knew today was going to be hard.
but it's been harder than i thought!

i actually slept fine last night..i think i'm still trying to recover from our adventure this past week. but, when that alarm went off at 5 am, my mind and heart went into overdrive.

i spent some time reading and praying before i ran...but my stomach still felt sick {and a teeny bit excited...the first day of school just has this "excitement" to it!}

made muffins and eggs for breakfast {every other day of the year we have cereal}

bailey woke up with a VERY long face. and that's very noticeable...because she's ALWAYS happy. she burst into tears at the breakfast table. pat talked her through it. and i tried not to burst into tears myself.

rebekah was very slow this morning....and uncertain...
joshua was up, room cleaned, bed made and ready to go with a smile on his face.

joshua headed to 1st grade

rebekah headed to 4th grade


we all walked them up to the school {well, bailey rode her bike, of course :-)}
every other day of the year pat will drop rebekah and joshua off on his way to work.
we saw the whole neighborhood on our way there and back!
EVERYONE walks on the first day.

one last hug for sawyer...

and a little wave...

it was pretty cute watching them walk in together.

rebekah looked at us the WHOLE time.
i don't think joshua would have looked back unless rebekah told him to.
i actually didn't cry.
i did feel like i left some pieces of my heart behind...but i didn't cry.

we walked home and pat left for work.
and then i couldn't bear to walk back in the house quite yet...i knew it was going to feel less full.
so we kept walking and went to a playground for a little while.

we got home and just PLAYED...trains and babies and princesses and painted nails.
i wanted it to be HAPPY and FUN.
i didn't know WHAT to expect when the time came for bailey to get on the bus...it could easily go either way...

i fed them lunch and we headed out the door.

she seemed excited and not nervous at ALL.

she even had a craft she had made Mrs. Dailey LAST year that she had forgotten to give her and somehow had kept up with. i have NO idea where it was...she just had it in her hand all of a sudden this morning. that girl never ceases to surprise me...

brooke and craig were at the bus stop...it helped her and i both, i think.
neither of us could dwell on what was about to happen.

the bus pulled up and Mrs. T was there with her big smile and Bailey jumped right on! i had to have her come BACK so i could get a picture!

we were both all smiles.
at the moment.

i wonder if she's still smiling??

sawyer wasn't sure what was going on...

as i turned and walked back down the sidewalk to my house, it hit me.
felt like my heart had been smashed.
it hurts.

i sat down in the garage and played with a ball with sawyer while i tried not to break down sobbing.
again, i didn't want to come in the house...it was going to be so quiet and boring without bailey there.
when i couldn't do it anymore, we came inside.

then we played.
he picked up a boat and said, "water?"
i let him play with a boat in the sink.
for a LONG time.
while i sat on the floor and cried my eyes out.

i am going to love this time with just him.
he is SO sweet and fun.

i can't stop thinking about them and praying for them...each of them...i'm sure they are fine.
and i know i will be.

i knew today was going to be hard.
but it's much harder than i thought.

10 comments:

Courtney said...

Oh Courtney...I got so teary while reading this. I pray that your time with "just Sawyer" will be incredibly special and fulfilling in a way you could have never anticipated.

Grammy said...

It definitely is one of the hardest days in a Mom's life. Will pray you through it my dear. Just think of all the fun things you and Sawyer will get to do. Jeremy was 4 when we moved here and I was so thankful for that year to just spend totally with him. I didn't even put him in Preschool cause I wanted him all to myself. It was an extremely wonderful year for both of us!!

Tisha said...

You are EXCELLENT with detailed accounts! I always feel like I am right there with you - experiencing what you experience, feeling what you feel....even though I am far away and am not experiencing the same thing at all! I love the way you share your lives.
((Big hugs)) to you today my friend.

Jenn said...

i just cried through this entire post!! it must be SO QUIET in that house - but enjoy it! enjoy this special time with sawyer - i know you will! :) and i'm sure you will have some fun stories to share from the kids soon! especially from miss bailey! i'm sure they all are having a GREAT first day of school! love you!!

Jenn said...

forgot to say that i love rebekah's kicks! :)

Beckysblog said...

oh sweet girl.
I never believed anyone when they said that this parenting thing would break your heart....but it sure does.
Praying for you today.

Ali said...

I was thinking of you so much! I am sorry it was harder than you thought. Having one gone leaves a big enough hole in my heart, I can't imagine all 3 gone. I hope your afternoon reunion is SO sweet.

Katy said...

okay first of all - rebekah in fourth grade...looks sooo grown up, her hair is adorable, her shoes totally rock - i love it. joshua - all ready to go (of COURSE!!) with silly bands and all...and i LOVE bailey's first day of school outfit - love her big smile! i kept thinking of last year when joshua got on the bus and she burst into tears...i'm SO glad she was all smiles! i'm sure your afternoon has been full hearing ALL about it!!! it's going to be a GREAT year - POURING into sawyer and watching the other 3 grow and blossom. you'll get into your new groove quickly!!

Kate and Geoff said...

I can't BELIEVE Rebekah is in 4th grade! I remember my own 4th grade year SO clearly and so fondly. How on earth is she there already.

Court, your kids are precious. And your heart for them is .... I have no words.

Thinking of you, my friend.

Christy said...

OH Courtney...I'm catching up on your blog, so I *know* things are going to be better, but this post just really hit my heart. WOW. I can't even think of what I'm going to be like---a mess.

Praying for your transition into this new season and LOVE YOU!!!! You are doing a GREAT job :)

XOXOXO