the first day of school 2010

i knew today was going to be hard.
but it's been harder than i thought!

i actually slept fine last night..i think i'm still trying to recover from our adventure this past week. but, when that alarm went off at 5 am, my mind and heart went into overdrive.

i spent some time reading and praying before i ran...but my stomach still felt sick {and a teeny bit excited...the first day of school just has this "excitement" to it!}

made muffins and eggs for breakfast {every other day of the year we have cereal}

bailey woke up with a VERY long face. and that's very noticeable...because she's ALWAYS happy. she burst into tears at the breakfast table. pat talked her through it. and i tried not to burst into tears myself.

rebekah was very slow this morning....and uncertain...
joshua was up, room cleaned, bed made and ready to go with a smile on his face.

joshua headed to 1st grade

rebekah headed to 4th grade


we all walked them up to the school {well, bailey rode her bike, of course :-)}
every other day of the year pat will drop rebekah and joshua off on his way to work.
we saw the whole neighborhood on our way there and back!
EVERYONE walks on the first day.

one last hug for sawyer...

and a little wave...

it was pretty cute watching them walk in together.

rebekah looked at us the WHOLE time.
i don't think joshua would have looked back unless rebekah told him to.
i actually didn't cry.
i did feel like i left some pieces of my heart behind...but i didn't cry.

we walked home and pat left for work.
and then i couldn't bear to walk back in the house quite yet...i knew it was going to feel less full.
so we kept walking and went to a playground for a little while.

we got home and just PLAYED...trains and babies and princesses and painted nails.
i wanted it to be HAPPY and FUN.
i didn't know WHAT to expect when the time came for bailey to get on the bus...it could easily go either way...

i fed them lunch and we headed out the door.

she seemed excited and not nervous at ALL.

she even had a craft she had made Mrs. Dailey LAST year that she had forgotten to give her and somehow had kept up with. i have NO idea where it was...she just had it in her hand all of a sudden this morning. that girl never ceases to surprise me...

brooke and craig were at the bus stop...it helped her and i both, i think.
neither of us could dwell on what was about to happen.

the bus pulled up and Mrs. T was there with her big smile and Bailey jumped right on! i had to have her come BACK so i could get a picture!

we were both all smiles.
at the moment.

i wonder if she's still smiling??

sawyer wasn't sure what was going on...

as i turned and walked back down the sidewalk to my house, it hit me.
felt like my heart had been smashed.
it hurts.

i sat down in the garage and played with a ball with sawyer while i tried not to break down sobbing.
again, i didn't want to come in the house...it was going to be so quiet and boring without bailey there.
when i couldn't do it anymore, we came inside.

then we played.
he picked up a boat and said, "water?"
i let him play with a boat in the sink.
for a LONG time.
while i sat on the floor and cried my eyes out.

i am going to love this time with just him.
he is SO sweet and fun.

i can't stop thinking about them and praying for them...each of them...i'm sure they are fine.
and i know i will be.

i knew today was going to be hard.
but it's much harder than i thought.