Tuesday, August 24, 2010

a sweet day

yesterday was such a sweet day with my kids.
nothing major.
just simple and sweet.

we were at home except for when we went out for a picnic lunch and to play in some fountains.

my heart was so calm yesterday.
and i soaked them in.

their love for each other and all those around them is just precious.
there is nothing like the love of a child, is there??

if i'm going to be honest, though, i'm having a hard time.
can't exactly put my finger on it.
but i'm struggling.

i'm having to tell myself the things i know...instead of just knowing them and living out of that knowledge.

trust and patience and strength are just not coming easily to me right now.
they come...because i rely on Him for them...but it's a battle that i am having to fight daily.
if not hourly.

it could be that summer is ending and i love having my kids all around me.

it could be that rebekah is about to turn 9 years old and that seems like a big deal to me.

it could be that there are lots of hard "situations" going on in the lives of those i love.

it could be that i'm having a hard time having hope that i will ever see those 2 boys in Rwanda that i think about all the time.

i was thinking about our adoption journey as i was walking this morning.
it feels hopeless to me right now.
but...i'm SO thankful for so many of YOU for being the hands of Christ in the many tangible ways you've encouraged us and let Him show us that He is in this.
it is your words and checks and hugs and questions and listening ears that i go back to when i am doubting.
i can't tell you how much that means.
thank you.

i know all the "right" answers...

that seasons will pass and the routine of school, etc is good for all of us.
that rebekah is turning 9...but she's still my daughter and i'm still her mom.
that His timing is perfect in all situations...hard ones...long ones...

i'm just not accepting those "right" answers very easily right now.
and i'm allowing myself to work through that instead of fighting it.

i am also practicing being thankful.
sad that we have to "practice" it, huh??
but when i am really struggling with disappointment or discouragement, i literally sit down (or mentally) and list things i'm thankful for.

it's virtually impossible to be thankful and discouraged at the same time.
it helps for a little while :-)

and there's always sugar... :-)


Katy said...

i think that's how God designed it though court. if it came easily, we'd get way too self-sufficient. i think he wants us to have to "chew" on things and process them - instead of just always "getting" it. it's that "daily bread" part - instead of just having it all ready to go for the next 10 years of our lives. i almost called you this morning just to chat and catch up...but decided to pray that you were enjoying your sweet kids instead and catch up with you next week when it's quieter....and maybe you'll want to hear an extra voice! :) love you!

Julie said...

hugs hugs hugs hugs... you are so precious dear friend!

Holly said...

right there with you.

Jenn said...

love you!

Megan said...

My kids really miss those fountains.

As for you, thanks for being so REAL in your struggles as well as the good. I often wish I kept my blog up to date so my writing would be more real. But keep doing what you are doing...be thankful. Pray. Remember what you know. And know that it is okay to have to remind yourself at times. And trust. Great stuff...I know you can do it!!