haiti. october 2014.

a week ago, we were just hours home from our trip. i can't believe it's taken me a week to be able to process things here. but there's been a LOT to process...and life keeps going around here, too!

we arrived to our location shortly before lunch on thursday. we set our bags down, and sat down with pastor and his wife for lunch. pat (having been there 2 years prior) warned us of the food (so we all packed quite a few power bars!) but the food was GREAT. we didn't need any power bars! there was avocado at every meal - so i was just fine ;-)

the kids were in school, so he took us on a tour of his whole compound. church and school in the front. through a gate, his house (and the guesthouse), sewing center, kitchen/dining room. then up a small hill is the orphanage.

we were excited to meet the kids once they walked back from school! their uniforms are blue...so the girls all had blue hair barrettes and ribbons in their hair. their hair always looked amazing!

they did NOT like us standing. they always brought those white chairs behind me in the picture out for us to sit on. and as soon as we sat down, we had a few kids on our laps ;-) the little one on my lap fell asleep on me EVERY time i held him. after bringing my own 2 sons home from a place similar to this, i have so many mixed emotions...but we'll get to that. this day? i was so glad to be there. and i poured love out to them in my smiles and hugs and prayed over EACH of them.

 these kids eat WELL.

 we brought things to be able to interact with them as much as possible...chalk, big jump rope, nail polish, playing cards, soccer ball. we didn't speak their language...but we could PLAY!

 this is the orphanage. the girls sleep on the bottom. the boys on the top. this patio outside wasn't there 2 years ago and it makes a WORLD of difference for the kids!

 one of the things we wanted to do was make prayer cards for each child...for our church. we want to connect pastor francois and his church to our church in tangible ways...not just in sending checks. it was quite a process. i had a polaroid camera and my normal camera. we would take 2 polaroid pictures. give 1 to the child, and tape 1 in a notebook that we wrote their name and age in. then i took a "real" picture with my normal camera to match up their name to. as soon as you bring a camera out, they swarm you to get their picture taken. so it was a bit stressful at times, but they LOVED getting to keep a picture of themselves!

(pat taking the polaroids)

 the older kids could write their names in for me. the others we guessed on and pastor helped us with the spelling later. the kids didn't really know their ages...so we guessed.

 we spent a LOT of time sitting on this patio right outside the guest house. we were SO blessed to hear from this man. he is a man of God. fears God. trusts God. and lives for God. we'd ask him questions like, "is there a point where your orphanage is full?" and he'd say (after giving us a baffled look), "no. if God sends me children, i will take them."

he has very little support on a regular basis. (WAY more now than 2 years ago, though! and pat could tell a huge improvement. which was part of our reason in going...to make sure the money we've given has been used well. it has!) and we ask, "how will you ______?" he says, "God will provide." with a conviction and surety that only comes from a person that has witnessed God provide in beautiful ways over and over and over again. we were SO blessed by the time we spent with pastor francois.

 night came. i started under this net.

but ended up not sleeping under it. it was SO hot and stifling under there. and we didn't really see many mosquitos. aren't i a rebel?

so there's no glass on the windows. just screens. so you hear EVERYthing at night. dogs barking (there are 7 dogs on the compound. GUARD dogs. not pets.) roosters crowing (they don't just crow when the sun comes up! they start around 3 am. just FYI.) goats bleating (is that what they do??) people singing. i took drugs to sleep each night. and was so glad i had them to take! some of us used ear plugs. some just suffered through it the best they could. we definitely got used to it as the nights went on. the first morning back home, pat and i both said that it was so QUIET here...behind our glass windows and heavy doors in our quiet neighborhood with animals on leashes.

the next morning we woke up and got ready. the pace of life there is awesome. no emergencies. no rushing. one of the older boys (jerry) was outside the guest house already working on some chores as we emerged. he was making concrete to fill in a crack in the driveway.

the kids walked by on their way to school...and we headed to eat breakfast. each meal was nice and long. full of great conversation.

we brought some gifts for pastor's church and gave those to him and set them up (a keyboard and cordless microphone system.) thankfully aaron knew how to do all that!

 as we were sitting there, this little guy (moses) was standing off to the side. that's what the kids did when they needed to talk to pastor. and they did if often. he seemed very approachable to them. and he always called them over and had a conversation with them. well, this time he apparently was asking if he could give us something he had made. he handed me this. an airplane and picture he had drawn and made. i will always treasure it!

as we were sitting there, a truck comes bursting through the gate. 2 men get out. 1 in a full on suit and tie. he turns out to be a pastor of another church in the town. they are having a funeral for a member of their congregation. NOW. and for whatever reason needed to use pastor francois' church. so. the next 30 minutes or so we spent hauling all the equipment to the church from pastor francois' ROOM where he lives/sleeps to the church (microphones, keyboard, speakers...and setting it up for them.) as we were walking in and out of the church, the family members and casket were sitting there...deep into their grieving. it was pretty awkward for us. but we did what we asked and scurried back to our safe place on the patio.

a few minutes later, once the funeral was well underway, one of the older kids came and spoke to pastor. apparently the kids couldn't hear at all to do school (the school is right next to the church...all open windows...) so school was cancelled for the day. the funeral went on for HOURS.

the small hill leading up to the orphanage.

 the guest house. pastor and his wife sleep on the bottom floor. the guest rooms are on the top floor.

 the dining room.

 inside the dining room.

 today was "washing day." pastor employs a number of women to come a couple times a week and wash all the clothes. it was an INTENSE job. abi and i asked if we could help them. he basically laughed at us. we would stink at it. and not be helpful. after watching them, we got it!

 so we painted the kids nails.

 and tried to learn their names. and loved and prayed. and were in awe of the beauty and joy we saw amidst the pain.

 the older kids LOVED ladder ball!

 we found the Jesus Storybook Bible in their language!!!! it was so fun to give it to them and read it together.

 asleep.

 

 this girl spent a LONG time braiding my hair. it was amazing!

 look at that!??!! some of the younger girls helped her at different points...but she was the mastermind.

 there were some SERIOUS games of soccer.

 abi's hair :-)

later that afternoon, we drove around the town of pignon. the smells of this place are similar to the smells i remember from rwanda and ethiopia...a mixture of car exhaust, body odor, food cooking, human and animal waste  and heat. it makes me realize that in our world here, we are pretty much odorless. because we can afford to hide our smells. i appreciate their smells. i appreciate that it is REAL and authentic.

 the gates that lead to the high school. pastor pays for his older kids to go to the high school. the school on his compound is just a primary school. from what we saw, the younger kids go to school in the morning. and the older kids go to school in the afternoon.

and we were sad to say goodbye to another day in haiti...

the following morning we got up and ready early and hiked up Mount Pignon. i would guess it was 5-6 miles total. it was HARD! not really a trail. lots of climbing rocks. and our pace was quick.

heading out.

from about halfway up. the fog rolling in was beautiful.

see the trail? no? me either! but that's where the rest of my group just went...

from the top.

there was this radio tower at the point we stopped. he started climbing...

and didn't start til he got to the top! eeekk!

aaron attempted it...but stopped :-)

our guides. i fell in love with emile (the one on the left). let me tell you one reason why. on the way back down the mountain, i hit my knee on a rock SO hard. broke the skin, but it was the kind of pain that brings tears to your eyes immediately. it still hurts today (keeps me off my knees when i do push-ups ;-)) anyways. he noticed when i stopped to collect myself when i hurt it. then asked if i was ok a few minutes later. super sweet, right? THEN...later that afternoon...HOURS later, he asked me again if i was ok. he is such a thoughtful, hard-working, respectful boy.

on our way back down.

after we got "home", ate breakfast and showered, we walked around town. it was a saturday, so the market was in full swing. i felt weird taking pictures. but i had to capture these HUGE avocado's! they were as big as your head! the market was a bit overwhelming for all of us and i think we all got out of these as fast as possible.

 around pignon...

 "home depot"

 see those containers on that table filled with orange liquid. that's the gas station. LOTS of scooters/motercycles. they would just pull up and pour some in.

 all kinds of things being washed....people, clothes..and dump trucks?!?

 pastor francois got a phone call about every 3 minutes. he took every call. he is SUCH a sharp man. he'd be fully engaged with us (speaking english), then answer his phone and have a short conversation (in creole), then hang up and pick right back up in english where he left off with us! he didn't usually talk on 2 phones at once, but we caught it on camera when it happened!

 we collected and organized a ton of clothes for the kids. so that we could at least give each kid a complete outfit (including new underwear). we wanted to just leave it all with pastor francois. but he insisted that WE give it to the kids. we were not excited about that...it felt like a "show" but we honored his wishes...

trying to organize ourselves...

 our neighborhood swim team graciously donated all our leftover tshirts from this past season...

 organizing the shoes...

 the kids came up to us one at a time, youngest to oldest, and we gave them an outfit in their size, then they went over to the shoes and tried on shoes until a pair fit! PLUS everyone got a swim team shirt...

 

 ALL the kids!

 pastor francois and madou.

so. i have no pictures of this. but the story needs to be told.
i spent hours organizing all the clothes that people so generously signed up for and bought and got to me before we left on our trip. we put each outfit in a bag and labeled it. i PRAYED over those bags of clothes, that God would provide for each kid (before going, we didn't know exactly HOW MANY kids there were...and definitely didn't know exactly the sizes we needed! we just guessed!)

we were able to give EACH child an outfit that fit them. but at the end, there were about 10 of the older boys that didn't find shoes that fit.

we felt AWFUL. they didn't make a big deal out of it, but we knew they were disappointed. and in my head i was screaming at God, "i prayed for these kids and these clothes!! why didn't it work out?!?"

THANKFULLY, someone thought of the idea to take them to the market and buy them shoes! so pete and aaron went to the market and let them pick out their own pair of shoes. their faces of JOY when they got back, HUGGING their shoes to their chests, was the most precious thing. they will NEVER forget that. and i quickly changed my screaming at God to praising Him... ;-)

this is Nicole...one of the moms that helps take care of the kids. she was great and i adored her.

 the kids taught us a card game (which was interesting and cool since we can't speak to each other!) we have taught it to our kids and we all love it! NO idea what it's called ;-)

 a few years ago this man hardly thought about orphans, and had never uttered the word from his mouth. God is incredible...how He teaches us and is patient with us and gently guides us to love from His heart.

we brought Memory (you know, the game for little kids?) ALL the kids loved it! just look at Emile's face when he got a match!!

the little boys LOVED the matchbox cars.

 sunday morning...waiting to be called down to breakfast before church. this was our balcony up by our rooms.

aaron got to preach at church on sunday morning! he had a translator...

 aaron did an awesome job.

 we interviewed pastor francois. so that we could bring his voice and spirit back to our pastors and church.

sunday was a bittersweet day for me...knowing it was our last day there. i walked into our time in haiti with my heart open wide...no walls. i gave and loved and learned and hurt and smiled and laughed HARD.

these children are precious. and happy. and well taken care of.

but sunday afternoon found me crying on my bed.

because i have 2 sons that lived this. they lost their first family. they were taken care of. and then a family adopted them and loves them with all they have. but our love can't fix their broken hearts from losing their first family. we pray they will heal. and we trust God will use their stories for His good. but they will always have those scars...and they are deep.

it BREAKS me to look at these kids and know they each have those scars. every time i kissed their heads, i prayed HARD over their scars. even if they got adopted, they would still be so broken. i get so worked up in my head...how can we help...have we hurt them by coming and holding and loving and LEAVING...let's get them adopted...let's create jobs there...on and on...

and then i just have to leave it all...EACH of their precious selves...at His feet. because, in the end, He loves them more than me. and He is holding them and will take care of them.

that doesn't mean i stop praying and asking how we can help. what we can do.

but it does mean i feel HOPE instead of DESPAIR. and it does mean i PRAISE Him instead of scream at Him ;-)

 every sunday afternoon, pastor gathers his children and teaches them. it was precious.

 our bathroom. no hot water. but we honestly didn't miss it! the cold water felt so GOOD after sweating all day!

 our room.

 monday morning. just some pictures around the compound...

 the sewing room where madou teaches women to sew.

 saying goodbye to the kids. harder than we would have imagined it would be!

we flew to port au prince. we had a 6 hour layover there. so we took a taxi tour around the town.

 so much destruction still from the earthquake.

 and then we were on our way home...to our kids (and 1 wife!) and our lives here.

it was an amazing trip. we weren't tired when we got home. the pace of life in haiti is so much healthier than it is here! both pat and i felt better physically in haiti than we do at home. hmmm...

we jumped right back into life tuesday morning after getting home around 11 pm monday night.

we can't wait to go back.