i know it

i know that my life is so full of blessings.
i know that i have SO much to be thankful for.

but i don't feel it. i have spent most of every day (and night!) of the summer so far being completely overwhelmed and not at peace at ALL. i'm not sleeping. my stomach is a mess. when i DO sleep, i wake up with knots in my stomach from the first moment.

{i walked in the door from a run the other morning to this scene. pat was at work and everyone else was still sleeping. she was reading to him.}

{rebekah asked to make lunch the other day. she looked up a *fun* lunch and made caterpillar sandwiches for her 5 siblings. a totally different lunch for herself because she doesn't eat bread.}

{we were having people over for dinner and i needed *one more thing* at the store. when i got back from the store, he was washing the dishes in the sink. just because.}

SEE?!? WHAT do i have to be worked up about?? could my life be ANY sweeter?!?

i just feel so RESTLESS and not content. not in a "i need more stuff" way...but like i want to jump out of my life and start over. my LIFE is suffocating me and i just want to SEE Him and be with Him and care about Him...not the million little things i *have* to care about to keep my family of 8 functioning.

He is doing something in me. and i'm thankful. but the process is never comfortable, is it?

{one more. these 3 have a couple hours of schoolwork to do every afternoon. they can do it anywhere...they choose to be this close. every day.}