{warning: if you're not "into" drama. you might just want to skip this post. :-)}
11 days ago i wrote this email and sent it out to some people. i was desperate. and could NOT do it on my own. i knew we needed help. and we are so blessed to have so many Godly people around us, that all i could think to do was to beg them to help us in whatever ways they could:
I am writing you because you are dear to me and love me.
It's
no secret that we are in a rough season in our home. The last 2 years
have been a hard, trying, stretching road for our entire family. There
have been ups and downs and good months and bad months.
I'm not trying to be dramatic when I say this, but right now I feel a
battle raging in my heart like never before. And my eyes have been
opened and I'm on guard and ready to
fight...not
just sustain. Lincoln is a broken little boy...in ways we aren't even
sure what we're dealing with sometimes. We have no answers...and up
until now, I think I was going through it just waiting...waiting for it
to pass...or waiting for it to just get better. I thought it was "just
going to take time." But I feel like Satan is fighting harder lately.
As weary as I am from fighting, I am realizing that instead of just
holding him off, I need to FIGHT with all I
have....for Lincoln's broken heart and for my now broken heart. All of
our brokenness spills into the lives of those around us. I'm spilling
mine into yours as I type. Lincoln has spilled his into our family and
it's messy and hard. But we're in it together...all of our broken,
messy, ugly hearts fighting battles we seem to lose every day...but in a
war that we KNOW our Lord will win in the end.
I'm sucking up my pride and asking you to come alongside me...to lift my hands up when I can't hold them up any longer...to lift our family up...to pray when I have no words.
God
LOVES the fatherless. He DELIGHTED to see Lincoln and Levi join our
family. But I truly believe that Satan is attacking us and hates every
bit of what God is trying to do through our beautiful boys' lives. He is
working overtime. So we need to work harder.
I would humbly ask
you to pray however you feel led.
Some of my specific pleadings are:
for my heart to be soft towards Lincoln
for Lincoln to trust that we will provide everything he needs...that he doesn't feel the need to find (steal) food on his own
for Lincoln to relax into our family
Thank you for loving me...for loving my family. Thank you for praying and coming alongside us. Above all, I pray that HE is glorified through it all.
__________________________________________________________
**and today i sent the following email**
_________________________________________________________
i asked for 3 specific prayers.
AND, in what i truly believe is a MIRACLE - the first one has been answered! 100%.
if
you don't want to continue reading, just know that you have been a part
of something HUGE. and i can't thank you enough. if you want to read
more of the details...keep reading :-)
the MIRACLE happened this past thursday. i woke up that morning and was a different person. i
can't describe fully what my heart felt like before that...it's too
painful and horrid. but waking up to that new heart was unmistakable.
i
will admit that i was feeling more hopeless AFTER i sent the email than
before. i mean, i had bared my heart and soul to many people. admitted
our struggles and faults. YOU sent me the most amazing prayers. and
emails. and shared YOUR hearts. and verses. and songs. and you PRAYED.
and FASTED. and LOVED US. and it didn't feel like ANYthing was happening
(except maybe getting worse?)
yet i didn't know that He was up to something big.
a friend prayed SPECIFICALLY that He would answer in a way that we knew could ONLY be Him.
and
for me to wake up thursday morning with my FROZEN heart not just
melted...but on FIRE...was IT! (i know i sound all dramatic and a bit
crazy, but it IS! HE IS!)
i kind of tiptoed around on
thursday...not wanting to jar my frozen heart back into place. i was
TERRIFIED to go to bed thursday night...not wanting it to go away and
wake up with that awful heart again on friday. but it didn't happen! i
can walk normally and i can sleep and wake up and that frozen heart is
GONE.
now, this isn't just about me (although the benefit of
feeling like i am carrying 50 less pounds is glorious!) but i feel like i
can SEE the effects on lincoln already. prayer requests #2 and 3 are
going to be a long road...but how can i not expect Him to answer
them...in His time??? i truly believe that THIS had to happen for the
next ones to happen. i KNEW my heart was causing us all to be STUCK. and
now we aren't!
WHAT AN AMAZING GOD WE SERVE!
YOU have been a part of something HUGE. thank you. thank you. praise Him with me!!!!
________________________________________________________
so, there you have it. a miracle. He is still in the business of them! amen!!
i am indebted to SO many for holding our family up so faithfully. but i trust that HE will bless them for that. the body of Christ is a beautiful thing. a beautiful, beautiful thing.
7 comments:
amen and amen and amen. He is amazing! i'm so, so, so grateful for the work He is doing in your family. thanks for letting us be a small part! love you!
God is so faithful and your desperate seeking after Him is something He delights in. He brought this family together and He will will complete this good work that He has begun in you and your family. Prayers with you, friend.
Thank you for sharing your prayer requests and answers that He is providing! Praise God! We love you!
Oh yes He is! We need each other and walk this road called life together! Praying and loving!
That is so awesome Courtney! Thanking Him for answered prayers and miracles!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure if I've ever commented here, but I check in often to see how your family is doing. I clicked over today and was overjoyed to see this post! Adoption is hard, Hard HARD! But God is in the midst of it, teaching us, changing us, loving us as we walk through the "messy". Our daughter came home almost 5 years ago. She was unbelievably broken. She was so hypervigilant, never relaxed, never off-guard - always "on". It's been a long road, with lots of coaching, reassuring, compassion, do-overs, therapy, and prayers (lots of prayers). But today, she is able to relax. Last week, I forgot to pack her snack for school. She jumped in the car and calmly said, "You forgot to pack my snack. But it's okay, I saved some of my lunch for later." Three years ago, there is no telling what might have happened. :-) Keep at it. Pray like crazy. Get help when you need it. Healing is possible.
I'm so glad for your soft heart. Karyn Purvis said that the greatest indicator for whether a child will find healing is the parent's willingness to heal from their own brokenness. Lincoln is probably exposing your own wounds with his behaviors. But he's a good kid and he needs you. Show him the more excellent way. :-) God bless you.
Julie
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