lighter

there is this idea i've seen around...to come up with a WORD for yourself for the year. that's a good idea, no? i'm not really doing it. because i have a word for LIFE...actually, it's 2 words: BE INTENTIONAL. and i'm sticking to those.

but. if i DID choose a word for this year. well, let's just go with this month. {come on already! right?}

it would be: LIGHTER

i just feel like i'm too DEEP, too SERIOUS, too INTROSPECTIVE and HEAVY with the everyone's burdens. i want to be and feel LIGHTER. {and i'm not talking physical weight here. although that would be nice!}

i think this would also help my poor stomach that is STILL in knots. but hasn't put me in the fetal position the last 2 nights - yay!

so. working on that. and trying not to word too HARD at it...or then i become heavy. it's a tricky one! :-)

i have given up diet coke. again. finishing up day 3 and no headache from quitting? weird, huh? i DID get a headache today. but it wasn't from that...it was from not eating. which was my solution to being SUPER frustrated with my stomach hurting...if i don't eat, it doesn't hurt. but then i get a headache and feel really tired and can't do anything. so that doesn't really work. but my stomach didn't hurt for a few hours!

anyways. diet coke. i don't know why i gave it up. i decided LATE sunday night that i was giving it up. just quitting. and it's been surprisingly easy so far? super weird. trying to decide if i'm going to give it up 100%, or still have it every now and then. the dangerous part of every now and then is that it gradually becomes a daily thing again. hmm....

i've been sitting in panera for an hour. just me. rebekah is at church and i drove and came here to catch up on some stuff. there's a whole WORLD out here at night! who knew?? :-) truthfully, i am missing pat and my couch. i really love my life.

we have started a WHOLE new chore/allowance system. total overhaul. spent a LOT of time talking it through and planning it over the christmas break. started jan 1. i will share once i'm sure it's working. so far though? it's awesome!

today was a hard day for both of my african sons. BUT. i was struck with the fact that our home is *mostly* a place of peace and safety. that was NOT the case a year or so ago. i'm so thankful that we have WEEKS without days like this. there was a time where there wasn't an HOUR like this. i am scarred from that. and i pray every night that all the children in my house are not scarred from it - one of my greatest fears.

speaking of fears. (ha!)
have you ever REALLY sat down and verbalized what your greatest fear is?
pat and i got into a conversation about it the other day. it was hard. and revealing. and a good thing to talk through.

i debated doing a tough mudder event for a few hours yesterday.
pat emailed me early afternoon and asked if we should do one. with some people from his work that had a team going.
i am not in "race mode" these days. the logistics and details that a race adds to my life aren't something i desire. i can walk out my front door and run as far as i want to go. that's perfect for me now.

but to do something like that WITH pat? it seemed like a fun idea. until i really looked up the event. AND realized the event we were possibly doing was in 3 months.

so. we aren't doing it. at least not that one. BUT...we decided we DO want to do one together...one day (like in a year?) anyone want to join us?!?!

happy wednesday night! hope you're having a great week!