power

i keep telling people, "this has been the hardest year of my life."

yet it's been close to a year and a half. so i guess i need to start rephrasing it. and at what point can i not say it anymore? {it's been the hardest 16 years of my life...!?!}

is life just going to be HARD from now on?

maybe. and that's ok.

because, again this morning, i woke up to such power. His power. i slept ok {not great. but well enough to feel ok.} and i woke up feeling drained still...yet KNOWING He was there. knowing His mercies are new, even when my heart doesn't feel it. i was able to pour love {!!} amidst teaching {he has to apologize and ask for forgiveness today. a GREAT time to talk about how we don't expect him to be perfect. but, when we fail to do what is right, sometimes that hurts OTHERS and not just ourselves. then we need to apologize and ask for forgiveness.} He gave me the words, the hug, the soft eyes and gentle smile to lay on that little boy's heart before he walked into a new day. i was so so thankful for that. i know my UGLY heart...and His power is GREAT to do the work that it did! praise Him!

i am at the end of myself most of the time. i don't fight it anymore. it is actually starting to feel comfortable. i am trusting Him more and myself less. i'm being gentler to myself and {hopefully} those around me. i'm claiming His truth, and knocking DOWN the many lies that bombard my heart and mind every day. i retreat into Him BEFORE i'm at my breaking point. and He gives me the strength to move forward, to move out, to see where He is working all around me.

so, maybe my life has just changed? maybe this is how it's going to be. i'm ok with that.

i wouldn't trade the ease of life before for missing the POWER of Him that i get to experience HOURLY now.