a show

this is happening in a few hours.
i'm no where near ready.

i'm completely overwhelmed and trying to cling to Him.
to trust His promises that i KNOW are always true - that He is with me, in His peace

my emotions are overwhelmed in all directions, with people near and far.
i'm physically exhausted.
every moment "needs" to have 3 things crossed off a list.

yet even bigger than all that is a sadness.
as i'm processing in little bits our week away last week,
i realize that lincoln is still just putting on a show.
for everyone.
it makes me want to scream, but i choose to love. again and again (not always perfectly, but again and again.)

levi is pure joy. he's so so good. 100% ours and happy.

lincoln looks the same. he's FULL of smiles and "this is super fun!"
but it's all forced and pushing forward and not letting others come to him, but barging his way through.
i get it. i know it's ok and it's a matter of time and God's healing of his broken heart.
i'm thankful for others that understand (this post encouraged my heart today)
and i'm PRAYING that one day soon lincoln will stop putting on a show for all of us and just rest in our love for him.