drawn in close

it's the day before Easter. all week, i kept thinking, "i have to find a good quote or come up with a good quote to finish off this season of Lent for myself...and those of you that have followed along with me."

but nothing was coming.

so i'm just going to write. from my heart. from where He's led me the past 45 days. on this day. the day between when He died on a cross for us and the day where He rose from the DEAD and conquered death!

{45 days with no diet coke! 1 day to go...just a little excited :-)}

when i started this season of Lent 45 days ago, i gave up anything "not healthy" to eat/drink and had a very specific prayer request. i had a goal, desire, place i wanted to end up. and i just knew He was going to bring me there.

He didn't.

instead, i was drawn in close. to Him. to His love for me. to His grace for me.

i only "failed" a couple times in my Lent behavior (and they were intentional - on dates with pat - we shared yummy appetizers). i suffered CRAZY withdrawals from caffeine and sugar for 2 weeks. my long runs were the WORST runs of my life. i hated every minute. the urges to get a diet coke or bag of candy at the store felt literally PAINFUL to ignore. but i did it. i pushed through.

but my heart? oh, it failed so many times. so.many.times. and the act of going to HIM instead of food in those moments has changed me.

i've lost confidence in myself (it wasn't truth anyways. who do i think i am?)
and i've gained confidence in HIM.

my body has become stronger and smaller (results i didn't even think about - but nice!)
as i have realized how very weak i am.

when i am weak, HE IS STRONG.

oh, He's shown Himself to be strong! He pulls me in so close. with such strength. power. gentleness.

i wanted there to be a finish line. an exclamation point. something at the end. something to check off or cross out. "finished".

but there isn't. i'm still a work in progress. i will fail again and again. He will pick me up and draw me close again and again.

THAT is what Easter is for. His love and forgiveness and grace. over and over and over. new mercies every morning.

oh, how i can't wait for tomorrow morning! for the JOY that we celebrate that day! for LIFE!

but, really, there will still be so much PAIN in this world. even tomorrow morning. because this isn't the goal. this isn't the end. i YEARN for a day where i seek nothing BUT Him. where there is no cancer or job-loss or children without parents or children that don't trust the love of their parents. i hoped to know His love in a deeper way through this season (and i do) but i have been surprised to know His PAIN in deeper ways.

sweet Jesus, draw me close.