Tuesday, July 26, 2011

you want real?

i haven't said much "real" stuff the last few days...honestly, because i don't know WHAT to say.

i am SO thankful for my children. for the 4 i've had since birth. for the 2 that we waited and prayed for and traveled across the world to bring home. SO much to be thankful for. so so much. i am trying to focus on that.

but, right now, there is grief. it is deep. i don't have words for it. i'm not going to make it go away. i've learned enough the past year or so that that doesn't help or work. i'm going to pray my way through this. and He will use it.

i am not trying to be vague. i just don't know what to say.

this is not easy. but it is still amazing and beautiful. only He can make that true.

7 comments:

Courtney said...

praying for you through the grief. it makes sense.

Anonymous said...

Courtney-
I won't begin to pretend that I know what you are going through. The only thing that has a SPECK of resemblance in my own life is having our 2nd baby and bringing him home and being in a complete shocked, stressed, confused state for some time. We just went into survival mode with hints of glimmer and hope sprinkled on top! As you know with having given birth 4x, it DOES get better, it DOES change and by GOD and Him only do we find strength in those tiny people, those adorable smiles and mounds of laundry. :) Praying every day for you through this time. It's important for you to continue to write. To be real and honest. I know we don't know each other well, but I am happy to help in ANYWAY that I possible can. Love and Prayers, Courtney Alexander

jenn said...

big hugs to you, my beautiful friend!

Ali said...

love you!

Katy said...

Your whole life has been totally turned upside down. And not in a gradual, slowly getting used to it way. Keep fighting to see those moments of joy and trust Him when you can't. Love you!!

Maggie said...

Dear Courtney,

You should know that after I check my email in the morning, I check your blog to see what you have posted today. Because even though you feel like you are struggling, and things are hard right now, I can tell you are an awesome mom and I find your level of energy, focus, and love to be overwhelming. I think you are pretty awesome. True fact, I am blog stalking you. I know we go to the same church, and this is a little strange, but I restrain myself from over commenting and hugging you when I see you.

Now you know.
Love,
Maggie

ManyBlessings said...

The grief...very powerful and very real. ((Hugs)) to you from another adoptive mama who gets it.

As a beautiful friend of mine reminds me from Nemo, "just keep swimming".