my lunch as i sit here...just this week my stomach is finally "handling" food in a normal way...it was NOT pretty since we have been home...that was a long time! it's nice to eat again!
i do NOT feel confident in what i'm doing. and i got all caught up in looking to "others" to give me answers...books, blogs, articles, even friends. and got myself all in a tizzy...worrying about what others thought, what "others" would/wouldn't do, worrying if we were "messing up"...i was a MESS! absolute.mess.
i am not sure i've ever felt that way...and hadn't felt anything close since rebekah was little...and we went through a similar thing - the whole "how to be a parent" - and were pointed to the WORD and GOD and given tools and the confidence to use them and have been so blessed by that as we've had joshua...bailey...sawyer....
this is different. yet it isn't. and that's hard.
they haven't been ours from day 1 - that is different.
they are children and we are their parents - that is the same.
i'm so thankful for pat and his wisdom. for how he listens to me...doesn't get frustrated with all my WORDS. and points me back to HIM. that God's Word is enough. we ONLY need to look to Him. we only need to answer to Him...not to "others."
i am still not confident. (please hear me here..i do NOT think i'm perfect at being a mom...that pat and i are perfect parents...we just have confidence in the fact that God chose us to be the parents of the children He's entrusted to us...that He will use our faults and strengths for HIS glory in their lives.)
but, i am confident in HIM and am straining to keep my eyes ONLY on Him. i would SAY that He is enough...i ache to live as if i truly believe that.
my heart is raw. raw. raw.
and...life is trying to creep in...commitments and schedules and STUFF. it is making me crazy. less is better. i REALLY need to do a better job at saying, "no"...and pray for grace from others to understand. feeling like i just have such a short time with them all home before school starts!
ok...onto the kids!
do you know what i realized today?? i tell bailey to use a "quiet voice" more often than lincoln - he totally uses a normal tone of voice almost always! wow! he spoke SO loudly when we first met him! i'm not sure bailey will ever learn what that is...
the light in levi's eyes is SO amazing. sometimes i just stare and stare at them. thank you, Jesus...
sawyer got to sleep with rebekah, joshua and bailey last night for the first time!!! he did great! and LOVED it!
(took this as i went to bed...)