actual

"And what is actual is actual only for one time and only for one place."
from Gift from the Sea

desperately trying to be in the ACTUAL and not worry about the future...

friday evening was spent packing the kids' packpacks. we finished. LOVE checking things off!

i also made BIG progress on lincoln and levi's room! 

(we had given r and j these packpacks for christmas. they use them for sports. bailey's is her packpack for school. she's going to have to use something else for 2 weeks.)

after a long-ish run for me and some chores around the house for everyone, we packed up to head to pat's parents lake house for 24 hours. his mom didn't know we were coming! we surprised her for her birthday! so fun!!!

and, for the record, we had 1 duffel bag for all 6 of us! that was awesome!

loved celebrating her. and getting away from the house and our lists for a little bit!

i am a mess. i think, at this point, we have too long to get ready for this trip. i have too long to think of more things to DO. and too long to think about leaving sawyer. and too long for worry about things.

i had a scary moment on sunday. we had gotten home from the lake. unpacked the car. i took a little nap. when i woke up, i didn't want to get up and just felt sad. it brought back many memories from this past winter...all those dark days. it scared me. and i tried to snap out of it. but, the feelings lasted the rest of the day. thankfully, today my spirit is renewed and i feel like myself. a good reminder that i need to be looking to Him CONSTANTLY. nothing else is going to get me through this.

i just don't think i'm going to be ok until my family is all together in our house - all 8 of us.
i can't bear to think of leaving sawyer.
i can't wait to hold lincoln and levi.
it's just all "not right" right now.

breakfast on sunday morning - donuts and apples by the lake. perfect!

bailey writing her notes to sawyer for when we're gone...

first trip to the pool today! and sawyer managed to find a bug :-)

swim team starts tomorrow! whoo-hoo!!!

off to make guacamole and gazpacho salad for dinner guests tonight!

less than 2 weeks and we'll be in rwanda. wow.