i couldn't breathe

the last 24 hours have been amazing...so encouraging and i feel so loved.
i will share more tomorrow.
i can't give it justice now.

but this is raw.
and i need to get it down because it won't be the same tomorrow.

once pat and i sat down tonight...
after me being out late with holly on monday night (!)
and up late with christy last night..
i normally would be SO ready to talk his ear off.
but i needed to listen and i could tell He needed to tell me something,
so i said,
"would it make you sad if i left?"
i could tell he was a little worried.
and he said, "are you going to be ok?"
{not "are you ok?" because he knew the answer to that...}
i said, "yes."
and left.

this was the first song that came on.
when it got to these lines:

When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?

i.couldn't.breathe.

it was beyond crying.
beyond sobbing.
i had NO breath.

He spoke loudly to me.
and i needed it.

for months i've been letting lies peck at me.
and the last few weeks it's gotten ugly.

i've been trying to fight it with the things "i know"...with the Bible and with praise music and with praying and talking to Him.

but i think it's even simpler.
just like i tell my kids almost every day, "life isn't complicated. the Bible says, "Love God. Love others."

well, i'm going to try to tell myself,

"Courtney, God loves you."
as often as i think of it.
because He does.
and i don't remind myself of it nearly often enough.

i tried it on my way home tonight and it's a pretty sweet feeling.
being covered in His love.

simple.
and true.
thank you, Lord.