Tuesday, September 14, 2010

some pictures

i'm still not ok.
but i don't like being "silent" here.
so here are {mostly} pictures from the last few days...

FUN football weekend!
after JMU BEAT TECH on saturday (HUGE upset!!! go Dukes!!!)

pat and joshua (and brian and jake) went to the Cowboys game on Sunday night.
not the outcome they were hoping for.
but fun anyways.
12:30 bedtime made for a FUN wake-up time on monday morning for school for a sweet 6 year old boy :-)
he handled it beautifully.
that's why we let him go.

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters,
but a man of understanding draws them out."
Proverbs 20:5

this man.
he is so amazing.
i have not been ok...and i don't even have words for WHY or WHAT.
everything is fine.
the kids are happy.
i'm just not ok.
i don't feel like ME.

after the past couple weeks i had put a VERY tough outer skin on.
i had to.
to get through.
otherwise i would have been a blubbering mess in my bed for most of it.

he sat me down on saturday afternoon.
and he patiently and gently took off my tough outer skin.
he encouraged me.
and cared for me.
he was concerned for me.
and loved me.
he let me know he wanted to protect me.
and my heart is still feeling the deep deep love that was lavished on me with his words and time.
i'm so thankful for him and for who he is.

while pat and joshua were at the game, my parents came over and celebrated the girls' birthdays with them...gave them their presents and took each of them out one at a time for a little bit.

bailey was in rare form that night...

i'm loving the mornings with bailey and sawyer...and then the hour with sawyer once bailey gets on the bus and before he goes down for his nap.

i have the time to focus on him rolling his car down the driveway over and over and over.
is his face not the sweetest thing EVER??
i know.

as i'm trying to figure out how to get "me" back...i'm attacking my house.
room by room.
trying to get simpler and simpler.
bags and bags of stuff are going to the trash and consignment pile.
feels SO good...

off to attack another room!


anthonyandbeth said...

i always appreciate your honesty Courtney. and i know what it feels like to not feel "OK" these days. i can relate in that i'm struggling with feeling like "me" these days. it's just not there and some of it i know exactly "the why" and other things i just can't put my finger on it. thankful also for a tender loving husband who gently cares for me and had one of those talks with me just last night. i'm just always encouraged when i pop over here. a reminder today that i'm not alone. i will pray for you today, that God will bring you back to a place of sweet joy amidst all that is going on around you in your heart and mind.

anthonyandbeth said...
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Michelle said...

Hang in there, praying for you, for rest, comfort, strength and love. Loved the pictures, just catching up.

Alden and Dorian said...

I so appreciate where you are Courtney. I so appreciate your wonderful husband tending to you. This is a NEW place for you...your 3 older children at school. It will take time to adjust. We moms....are ALWAYS adjusting it seems. Praying for you. Understanding you. And most of all....loving you.

Holly said...

that's exactly what I do when I can't find 'me'
my house has been very clean these last few years :-)

Anonymous said...

Have you heard the song from Sanctus Real "I'm Not Alright"? It seems to be my theme song. I can't tell you how many times I listen to that song and it knocks me off my feet. Hours later after listening, I realize that though there are times where I don't feel alright, I am. Through the peace of love of God, I'm ok.

Laura said...

I love that your family are Dallas Cowboys fans like us!! Another thing we have in common!

I will pray for you as journey through this time of emotions. I can relate somewhat with the events of our week!!

Tammy said...

love you my friend. hope that you are feeling better. love sweet pat for taking the time to love on you. so many times it is hard to take the time to take care of ourselves and i am so thankful for pat for taking care of you.