His mercies, struck gold, aware and security

this should be 4 (at least) separate posts...but this week's been busy...things are piling up...and i just haven't had the time to sit and do them one at a time.

i am still in a bit of a funk.
but God's mercies are abundant.
yes, there are still hard things i'm working through...and seeing...and struggling with...
but He continues to bless me and love me and carry me just like i need to be blessed and loved and carried.

sawyer "struck gold" yesterday afternoon.
by the time he was up from his nap, the tea party with freshly made oatmeal-choc. chip cookies and cut up nectarines and apples was deserted for the new puppy across the street and it was ALL HIS! :-) can you tell he was happy??

lately i've been trying to pray more specifically...instead of "i lift up pat's day at work" i write {i write all my prayers...i have since the 7th grade. i've filled journal after journal. sure, i've gone weeks, even months without writing in it...but for the most part, i've written my prayer every morning for that past 21 years! wow!!! and they are all in a box in the basement...} anyways, back to pat's day at work...i would write, "i lift pat's day at work up to you. i pray you would encouragement him in a way today that he would KNOW comes from you...no matter how much else is going on around him."

so...yesterday morning, my specific prayer was to have a good conversation with joshua.
to really feel like we were both engaged in it. to connect to him.
he's the one i'm having the hardest time reading since school started.
he just doesn't talk much. and once they get home from school, the girls talk SO much and there's so much going on, that it's hard to feel like i even talk to him!

it was nice last year, because he didn't get on the bus til mid-morning so i had the morning to at least feel like i saw his eyes and talked to him.

i was doubtful yesterday.
i had 2 extra kids all afternoon.
how in the world would i connect with him??
but i did!
2 separate times we were in a room together alone...and he engaged me.
neither was for long...maybe 5 minutes...
and both times i had to control the tears from welling up and squirting out of my eyes.
i was just so thankful to Him for His love for me...to answer that specific prayer of mine.

we kicked the soccer ball together during rebekah's soccer practice
{and i got to that ball in time! even while taking a picture :-)}

he's so so sweet.
and so fun.
and thinks HARD.
don't know where he gets that from! :-)

sawyer and i walked up to the school and ate lunch with him once bailey got on the bus today.
i ran into bailey's teacher AND saw joshua's teacher and they both commented on how great my kids are.
they didn't have to do that.
it sure meant a lot to this mama's heart!
{and i have to admit, i've been wondering about Miss Bailey...so it reassured me a LOT!}

bailey was setting up a tea party for sawyer and i this morning.
and i looked down and sawyer's sweet little hand was just resting on my leg.
if i moved it, he scooted back over and put it back.
when i got up to get the camera and sat back down, he put it back.

there was a security there for him.
he felt SAFE when his hand was on me.
his world was GOOD.

i love that.

but all of a sudden my heart hurt.
for my boys in Rwanda.
do they have someone they can put their hand on?
a place to feel safe??
and how long will it take once they are here for them to feel safe??
this is going to be a big, scary, unknown place to them...

how i yearn for the day when one of them puts their sweet little hand on my leg...