when my mom came over yesterday, she brought some special visitors with her!
mrs. atkinson and sifa.
it's kind of hard to explain "who" mrs. atkinson is to me...she's one of my mom's dear friends.
pat and i stayed in their house when we were newlyweds and had no where to live and they were on vacation.
mr. atkinson brought me a diet coke at my wedding reception because they only had pepsi products (mrs. atkinson is also a lover of diet coke and he KNEW what that meant!)
mrs. atkinson taught kindergarten at the school where i taught 2nd grade for 2 years.
so we worked together.
and, she's been on multiple mission trips to Rwanda and has a love for the country where 2 of my children are.
she's great :-)
and we have quite a history.
i was SO glad to spend some time with her!
sifa is from Rwanda.
she is here in the US for medical reasons...mr. and mrs. atkinson have been her primary caretakers while she has been back and forth from Rwanda to the US over the last couple years.
she is a precious girl.
it was really neat to watch my kids interact with her.
and her with them!
she brought them each a pack of silly bands :-)
she will be back in Rwanda once we travel over to get our boys.
when i told her that, she was like, "ok."
when i told her that we'd have rebekah, joshua and bailey with us, her demeanor changed and she made SURE we would see her :-)
rebekah really seemed to connect with her.
and talked about her a lot after she left.
pray for this sweet girl.
she is 13 years old...yet much younger in some ways...and much older in others.
spending this time with her was a gift to me.
i loved it.
yet i spent the rest of the day in quite a "funk" and it took me a little while to figure it out.
this period of "waiting" in our adoption process is LONG.
and i know that.
and, unknowingly, i've put up a thick wall to protect myself from the pain of the wait.
seeing sifa yesterday...and answering her questions about our boys...and looking in her eyes...and hearing her story...made that wall come CRASHING down and it my heart hurt.
hurt to have my boys with me.
i know this is all in God's timing.
and i trust that.
and i think that's why i've been able to put up this wall...it's a wall of trust...handing them to Him for the time-being.
i questioned myself yesterday.
is it ok that i have this wall up?
that i don't feel a lot of the time?
and i have to believe that it is ok.
i have to be a mom to the 4 children that i'm with each and every day.
i can't wish away the days and months...
i have to trust.
and i know this is a process.
i also know this is a process unlike any other i've ever been through.
i assume as we go along...as we get closer...the wall will come down when it needs to.
and i'll be ready.
oh, will i be ready!
until then...i pray and i thank God for holding them when i can't.