in between a pile of all junk mail was an envelope with THE return address i've been praying for!!!
i quickly took a picture, then ripped into it with my heart in my throat...
but it was not our approval.
it was a letter stating that they need more info on something in our homestudy.
we need our social worker to do that for us as an addendum, and then mail it to USCIS.
and then wait...again...for our approval.
there was also a second page attached.
stating that this letter was supposed to have been mailed out Feb 8, but because of the snowstorm (and the govt closing for a week) it was mailed Feb 22. ugh.
ugh.
very disappointing.
i've followed enough adoption journeys to know that we should expect things like this.
over and over.
this process is crazy...so detailed...so much red tape...so many specific things to do/fill out/check off...and it's easy to get frustrated and think things like, "is this worth it?"
but it is.
i trust that it is.
and all that redtape, etc is for the children...for their best interests.
i know that this is all in His hands.
and it's His timing.
and His timing is perfect.
but i can't help but feel sad...and discouraged...and like i just want to shut my heart off for a little while and not feel.
i think we were very hopeful that we'd be home by Christmas as a family of 8...and as February has ticked by it was seeming less likely...and this pretty much seals the deal. it very unlikely that we would travel this year at this point. which is just going to take some time to adjust to for me...mentally...
we do things EVERY.DAY to prepare for these children.
we are painting rooms.
and getting beds.
and reading books.
and reading others' journeys as they go before us.
just a few minutes ago i taped sawyer's room so that we can paint the trim (that will be their room) while sawyer and bailey chased each other around and sawyer took the tape off as i was putting it on :-)
we are glad to...we have been called to it...
but it's a lot.
and this is just a hard day.
i'm pretty sure i'm not making any sense at this point.
this is just another step in the process.
not one we knew was going to happen, but we'll keep stepping on.
because there are 2 little boys that are already in my heart and belong in my house and i'm going to keep stepping until i get to them.
13 comments:
So disappointing. My heart sank as I read this and I am so sorry! My mom keeps reminding me as we hit delays that perhaps they are God's way of making sure the exact right child becomes ours. Hang on and keep hoping!
praying for you guys. I am so NOT good at waiting...He is constantly working with me on that too.
"Ugh" is right. So sorry for this frustration! I feel your heart and know exactly what you're talking about. This waiting and striving is exhausting! Yet it'll be worth every second when we finally hold our sweet babies for the first time!
So sorry to hear this! Never did I think the mail could bring SUCH anticipation, joy, and disappointment.
It truly is all on God's timing and you have a great attitude. I've enjoyed reading your journey!
oh my heart is sad for you today! thinking of you and praying for you guys!
I'm so sorry for this delay Courtney. I pray that the Lord is holding your boys especially tight until you can too!
I am so sorry!! Sometimes I think the hardest part is adjusting expectations. you have the right attitude though and just remember HE loves those little boys 100 thousand times more than you and He is in control of everything. Love you.
oh, courtney.
much love.
shalom amidst.
so sorry.
r
oh man - i was so hopeful when i saw the picture! i thought specifically of you during the snow when mom kept telling me "no mail again today"....knowing that you were waiting with such anticipation for your mail to arrive!!! knowing that God has a perfect plan. i hate that the process is such a long, curvy one. there is a lady here that i was in a vbs meeting with last week...they having been in the adoption process for 5 YEARS for a child in El Salvador. it's crazy. and i know it does crazy things with your heart. keep trusting my friend.
My sweet daughter, I send you a HUG. Even as we read your post, we got so excited and then....disappointment they need more information. I agree with other comments, this delay, will be a part of receiving JUST the perfect two boys ...in the PERFECT time...that God has planned for your family. I love you.
I know. I am heartbroken for you. So, so sorry. Praying for grace for the moment for you today.
hugs to you, everyone has already said wheat is on my heart... so I am just going to say hugs and much love to you right now...
Sigh. Delays are so frustrating in the moment. But it is so true that any delays on this side before you are given your referrals are totally God's delays. HE already knows which two boys are yours, but the Rwanda government does not. So HE has to make sure that the day the referral is made is the actual day that YOUR two boys are on the top of the list. So its okay to be frustrated for the day, but know that the delay is serving HIS purposes. Love you!
Post a Comment