my heart is heavy the last couple days. with the ugliness of my kid's hearts. each child is at a different age/stage. but in the last couple days, their ugly hearts have been so obvious and it's so hard to see. i know it's there - i feel my own ugly heart every day. it's just hard to watch it...and be "responsible" for it...yet feel so out of control of it.
it's been good. good to remind me of what's important - not the dishes, or the errands, or even a new blog post - but shaping and molding these precious children that God has entrusted to me. good to bring me to my knees, at His feet, pleading with Him to grab their hearts, to create in them a clean heart that only He can do, that they would seek after Him and love those around them with His love. not because i want them to, or because they might get punished if they don't, but because they WANT to, out of a love for the person and for the God that created that person.
2 comments:
I had one of those days yesterday Courtney. It is hard and everything you said is so right. I was just listening to a sermon online with Pastor Mike Minter and it was all about how we want to be in control and tell God how to do things. It is amazing how I see this with my children.
I read in a book recently that we try as parents often to keep our children from any pain or suffering and by doing that we are giving them a disservice, because then they would never see their need for God. Another book talked about how we need to show them we don't have all the answers and we aren't perfect...so they know we also need God, and models to our children how if they see us turning to God it will teach them to do the same. This comforted me.
Eli is in the phase of not sharing (do they ever grow out of it?) and listening. A mom here said something so good once, that I have taken... she takes whatever object they are fighting over and tells them that God cares about people more than things...and if the "thing" is getting in the way of them loving and playing together, then it will be removed. It has really helped me talk to Eli about what is important, because right now he thinks it is all about him!!!
Okay, I have rambled enough... just wanted you to know that I am with you in this and I will pray for you as I am praying for my little guy. Thankfully Jasper is too young to be selfish yet... he just smiles and laughs and is fun. It is amazing that it is all going to change soon! I am enjoying it while I can!!!
You're absolutely right Courtney!! THIS is what our main job is - molding these hearts to choose Jesus over self!! The hardest job of all!
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