processing here...feel free to come along!
when i was in a Bible study a couple years ago, this was one of the questions posed to us. the women went around the room, sharing how their life looks different from what they had "planned" or "dreamed" - because of circumstances beyond their control, and because of decisions (bad and good) that they had made. when it got to me, i had to say, in complete honesty, "my life is all i ever dreamed of." i proceeded to explain that when i was growing up i just wanted to be a wife and a mom. i dreamed of kids and noise and mess and laughter and crying filling my home and my days. today, a couple years later, a couple kids later, it's still true. i am living my dream. and i love it. (yes, i know, there are moments and days where i don't appear to love it - it's true - but, OVERALL, i love it.)
i've been struggling with something in my mind for a few days. when i was growing up and looked ahead, i had so much hope, so much to look forward to. but, now, when i look forward to beyond this stage, i don't want to be there. i don't want to leave this stage with all it's chaos and craziness, exhaustion and joy. i don't want my house to be quiet for hours on end (just a couple minutes at a time!) now, i don't worry about being bored. i have plenty of things that i love to do (other than love on my kids) that i know will keep me busy. and i'm not worried about Pat and I being strangers when that stage comes - he is the love of my life and continues to pursue me and love me every day. i just don't look forward to this stage ending. i will embrace it when it comes. and i will ask God what He would have me do at that point and i will follow. i'm just saying...i LOVE this, right here, right now.
in light of that, i heard this song this morning on another blog. get a kleenex. seriously.
2 comments:
Wow. Deep thoughts by Courtney. I'm right there with you - been keeping up with a feverish little boy today, wiping a nose of a little 9 month old, and doing school with my 5 year old. Laundry going, kitchen sink full, but man do I love being able to do this every day. You know what though - we loved it when we were just married 2 years with our men - and that was all we had!! God will get your heart ready when he's ready for you to be at the next stage. I love you -a nd I love that we are doing LIFE together!!!
Amen sister, this life as wife and mom, is not what I dreamed but more than I could have hoped for and definitely more than I could have deserved. Thank You God for giving me such joy, even in my exhaustion and selfishness.
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