how blessed am i?

i could tell something wasn't the right the minute i walked into his room and got on my knees on the floor. it's what i do every morning. i sit there and take his fleecy pj's off and put his clothes on. the second i looked into his eyes as he walked over to me, i knew.

something wasn't right with my baby (the older one.)

i started undressing him and asked questions, kind of quickly. expecting a quick answer like "i'm still tired" or "____ hurts."

he didn't speak. wouldn't answer any of my questions. just kept looking into my eyes with his eyes full of pain. i kept eye contact but after a few minutes i couldn't see him through the tears in my own eyes.

he continued to not talk and it started to scare me. at first, i knew something wasn't right. now? my heart was fearful. this was not an "easy" fix. and i don't know what's wrong.

after a LONG 10 minutes or so, he finally said, "my belly hurts."

i wanted to believe that was "all" so i went into motion. got him set up on the couch and finished getting breakfast ready for the rest of them so the older kids could get to school.

once they were out the door, i sat down by him and really looked. i don't know what it was. but i could just tell this wasn't a "my belly hurts" kind of thing. oh, that look in his eyes...

we've established that i'm not a "touchy-feely" kind of person. and especially when my kids have stomach issues. i mean, i'm the mom. i can't get sick! i will tend to you and take care of you, feed you, keep you comfortable...but i generally try to avoid getting too close.

so what did i do??

i picked that boy up, carried him to the family room (he was in the living room on the couch - next to the dining room where we were eating breakfast) all wrapped up in a blanket and laid down on the couch WITH him. i turned the tv on in the hopes that lincoln and levi might be entertained. lincoln got on the couch with us and sat right next to me - touching me the whole time - which i loved. he started out asking a question every 30 seconds or so, but i eventually got him to just watch tv for a few minutes at a time. levi came up, got down, emptied the toy basket, pulled all the books off the shelf. and i just laid there. FOR AN HOUR. 60 minutes. i laid there and held sawyer. i didn't get up to fix all that levi was undoing. i didn't get up to answer the phone. or fold the 2 loads of laundry that was waiting. i didn't even get up to get my camera and take a picture (!) i laid there. and held him. and kissed his cheek. over and over.

and you know what?

after that, he was FINE!

all smiles. wanted his breakfast.

i don't think sawyer's belly was sick. i think his heart was sick and he needed to know i was there. REALLY there. not just around. but THERE.

i'm just thankful that this one time i got it right. i put aside my stuff and loved him. it is my prayer every morning. so often i fail. this morning i got it right. and everything else that has happened today has had an added tint of sweetness to it because of it. how blessed am i? that an hour wrapped in my arms can make a little boy's world right again?

i am kept from sleeping at night worrying about the pain going on in the hearts of all my kids, especially in this transition we are in. i know it's there. i don't know exactly how to fix it though, for any of them. this was a GOOD thing for me. i didn't know it was coming. but He prepared me for it and gave me the strength and self-control to literally work through the pain with sawyer. a good reminder to me that i don't need to worry about it...He will show me and i just need to pray that my eyes and heart will be ready...time and time again.