this season

this season of life is taking me a long time to adjust to. I still miss 3 hour naptimes and 8 pm bedtimes for all children. the magnitude and importance of my job seems to get bigger with each passing year. that would be overwhelming if I didn't trust that God was ultimately in control of them all...their actions, personalities and who they become. YET, He has given them to ME to mother. and I have never, nor will I ever, take that job lightly.

this winter/spring I chose to love and serve by watching sweet Corey. my kids have handled it so gracefully. she is not the easiest or quietest baby, and they have handled her effects on our home and on their mom with grace. I have noticed, in the afternoons, when they are all home and she is the most needy, that they don't ask much of me. I have to seek THEM out. and I do. sawyer and I played a whole game of War yesterday afternoon. I was down to 1 card, and came back and won! :-)

in the few minutes of quiet I might have during the day, I try to think through and process each child...what did I notice the day before? what do I need to ask them about? there's so much...friends they mention, classes they like or don't, teachers, subjects they are struggling in, church activities they went to that I want to ask them about, who they played with at recess...and in all these things, I desire to point them to Jesus. to how He is working and using them in all those things, in all those areas.

I need to do posts soon on each kid, and who they are and where they are. they are each amazing. and changing all the time. I want to remember who they are TODAY.

the last few months have been hard. heavy. and not really fun.

pat's been pretty overwhelmed at his job. I've been pretty overwhelmed at home. and most of our time together is spent talking about "heavy" stuff.

the last year has been the hardest of our marriage so far. some of it is because we both choose to not love the other well. but some of it is because we are choosing to love better, to dig deeper, and to bring out some stuff that has been pushed down for a lot of years. it's messy and not fun. but having a "fine" marriage is not an option. we will fight for each other and dig and forgive and chose love over and over and over. i'm so thankful for friends. the kind that will step in and fight WITH you for your marriage when things seem bigger than you can handle. relationships are hard. but God created us for them, and when done well, they are so beautiful.

and this is the year that I heal my body. and my mind of how I treat my body. this has been a 5 month journey so far. it's been hard and is so much more mental than physical. but i'm trusting that progress is being made. I spent a LOT of years abusing my mind and body with how I fed and thought of it, it's not going to be "fixed" in 21 days...or even 30. I see small, positive changes both physically and mentally and i'm hopeful. i'll share more on that at some point. but it's included sweet tea every day, being able to do my first real pull-up in my life after working at it for 2 years, and choosing rest over running some mornings.

summer is coming. we have 1 month! I want to use it well. I want to know my God and my kids better at the end of it than the beginning. is that enough goals? no summer list again. but there are other things I want to focus on...still working it all out in my head and heart. it's always on my "to-do" list...but never high enough priority that I actually get to it...I need to!

it's been raining for 2 weeks. SERIOUSLY. I can hardly take it anymore. it takes SO much more energy to be motivated. i'm over it! I need some SUN! I know it will come...but this is ridiculous.

happy Thursday to you. what's at the top of your list today? I need to meal plan and make my grocery list for grocery shopping tomorrow morning...