Wednesday, April 27, 2016

why am i here?

don't worry. i'm just talking about "here" at this space on the internet, not "here" in the world!

I can only get SO deep ;-)

my purpose here has always been MOSTLY so that my kids would KNOW who I was as a PERSON one day when they look back. I started this space when my kids were babies (a friend recently sent me this picture! can you even take it?!), when "all" I did all day was feed them and change them and carry them from place to place, and wash their clothes and kiss their chubby cheeks and put them down for naps. there was a LOT going on in my heart even when what my hands did were the same small chores day after day. I wanted them to know ME one day, I wanted them to know what I was thinking as I mothered them.

Rebekah will be 15 years old this year. Levi is going to be 6. {sorry moms of little ones...} but I am just as busy, if not MORE, as I was back then. i'm still physically busy (ironically, changing diapers and kissing chubby cheeks - but that's another story! SWEET COREY!) by choice. but my BRAIN is full all day with who these kids are, with praying for them, with responding to their hourly texts (!!), with managing their lives and schedules and activities.

i'm here a lot less. and it's bothered me for awhile. I used to miss it when I wasn't here. I used to NEED it to process life. and I used to feel sad for the ways I was forgetting to document things for my kids one day.

I still do like to process through writing. and i'd love to get to a place where I could do that more. but right now isn't the season...at least not for it to be a huge priority.

but I think I've figured out something big. instead of my babies "needing" me to document who their mom is as she mothers them, right now, my kids need me to LIVE OUT who I am in front of them. and that is NOT with a computer sitting in front of my face. they are old enough now to SEE who I am (and they do! they convict me and call me out on things all.the.time.) and to remember who I am and how I live. they don't need me to write it all out.

they do love to look back through these books from the blog. and I hope to continue to document life and even thoughts and things God is teaching me. i'm just thankful I've figured out that the purpose of this space needs to change. change is good. and I hope you'll come along for the ride :-)

{I also find it much easier to post quick "daily" pictures and thoughts on Instagram...follow me there!! courtneycassada :-)}

3 comments:

Barbara Cassada said...

Oh, my goodness! Time is going way to fast...especially when you look back at photos of the grandchildren! It seems like only yesterday when Rebekah was born the morning of my Kindergarten Open House!! It is time to slow down and enjoy our grandkids because before we know it, they will be all grown up!

Barbara Cassada said...

Oh, my goodness! Time is going way to fast...especially when you look back at photos of the grandchildren! It seems like only yesterday when Rebekah was born the morning of my Kindergarten Open House!! It is time to slow down and enjoy our grandkids because before we know it, they will be all grown up!

Mandy said...

You are amazing! So thankful for your heart and words and vulnerability. ❤❤i am feeling the same pull away from all things internet...hmmmm.