i will obey no matter what

as long as i trust the source.

i've never been one to question what i'm told to do. even if it's hard. or uncomfortable. and especially if it comes from God.

a month ago, i got a call asking me to speak at our monthly mom's event at church. to say i was stunned is an understatement. i'm not a speaker. {i wish there was a "double bold" option for font.} i have a hard enough time carrying on a conversation with 1 person! and a table discussion with 8 people makes me start sweating, so why was i being asked to speak to 100 women?

but she clearly felt like i was supposed to do it. and needed my answer that day.
before i even hung up the phone, i knew my answer, but "needed to talk to pat first."
i said, yes.
even though i'd never spoken before.
even though i was going to speak on december 12 - smack dab in the middle of all the christmas craziness and i have no time to even keep up with my life as it is.
even though i didn't have anything to say.
even though the thought of it scared me out of my mind.

i knew God was asking me to do it. and i've lived enough life to know that it's better to just go ahead and say, "yes" and get on with learning what He is trying to teach me.

two days later, i got an email asking me to speak to the pastors and elders at our church...at their christmas party...just to thank them for all they do. well, i certainly am thankful for all of them!! but why would i be the one chosen to represent the church body to do that?!? all i could do was laugh at that point. and say yes. oh, and this party was the night before my talk to the mom's group!

i set up some boundaries and carved out some time to dedicate to preparing for the talk. i wasn't able to spend as many hours as i could have if i didn't have 6 kids to take care of, but the hours i did spend were so precious. i looked forward to them and He used them to speak clearly to my heart. pat was also so supportive and generous and helped me guard the time i felt i needed.

so, last week, i put on one of those crazy microphone things around my ear...and down my back...and clipped onto my jeans...TWICE in 24 hours. i walked up onto 2 different stages in front of about 100 people each time, and shared my heart. God gave me the words to speak. and He gave me the confidence to do it. i'm still not a speaker. but i actually enjoyed doing this WAY more than i would have thought i would.

i was SO covered in prayer. it was an amazing feeling. the last time i remember feeling covered and carried like that was when we were in africa. i won't say i wasn't nervous at all {i was SO nervous both times before i walked up on those stages!} but i knew i was where He wanted me to be. and i will walk into ANYthing He asks me to.

i've been praying a lot of big prayers the last half of 2014. lots of, "use me. i will go anywhere...do anything..."

honestly, i would have rather been asked to move to haiti than be asked to stand up and speak to hundreds of people, but i will follow what HE wants me to do, not what i want to do.