this crew started the school year 2014-15 today.
it was a pretty smooth morning. nothing special for breakfast.
this elementary crew left first...
joshua - 5th grade
bailey - 4th grade
and sawyer in 1st grade. first year of all day school...
off they went on their bikes. and took my heart with them...
no time to really process that, though. because i had 30 minutes with this sweet TEENager ;-) before she left for her bus.
rebekah - 8th grade
but no time to process that, either, because these 2 were staring at me and asking, "mom! when are WE starting school?!?!" oh my goodness. i was a sweaty mess from my run 2 hours earlier. i wanted to curl up in a ball and bawl my eyes out. but i pressed on...
after a shower (!!) i started 2nd grade and preschool with these two adorable boys.
lincoln - 2nd grade
levi - preschool (with every other kid, i did 2 years of preschool...but thanks to his brother needing me to teach him last year and taking all my energy - in multiple ways - he is only getting 1 year :/)
these are a couple (horrible) pics from my phone...
they are both currently doing "room time" (i need a FEW minutes where NO ONE is looking at me/talking to me!) and i just allowed myself the minutes it took to inhale my salad for lunch to research and purchase an airline ticket for a trip later this fall (done. i hope i got tickets to and from the correct cities!) and i just threw some cookies mixed up from a packet in the oven for a *special 1st day of school treat* :-)
today has been hard. hard hard hard. honestly, i feel like satan has had a hayday with me. in my thoughts. in my heart. if we hadn't chosen to OBEY 4 years ago and step out in faith, today would have looked VERY different. i would have had the time to cry...and process...and maybe go out to lunch with a friend...or at least have the time to have my kitchen cleaned up from breakfast before my kids get home from school. instead i've stuffed my tears and walked in HIS strength this day to pour into my sons that need so much healing. i am trusting that God will use this intense time together this year to break down the walls that are up in our relationships and that deep love and bonds will form that we've prayed for earnestly day after day.
i struggle to feel joy in this. today this feels hard and beyond what i can handle. it would be easy to doubt. but i actually think it's a sign that i am right where i'm supposed to be. i'm at His feet in each moment, asking Him to carry me and give me what i need.
287 days til summer...
6 comments:
He will give you what you need, Courtney!!! Continue to depend upon His guidance.
Love,
Mom
When we are weak He is strong! Hold fast to His promises and continue to live each moment in complete dependance on Him because He's got you! Even in the hard one-second-at-a-time moments. You're His. YOU'RE HIS. And he loves you so much! Your honesty and sharing your vulnerability is such a gift to me - thank you for the raw (REAL!) emotion you share. It is refreshing, honest, appreciated, and, I'm sure, so so hard. Praying for you this week as you begin this new chapter!
Karey
Yes. To all of it. Yes. My mind and heart have played the "what if" game more in the last month than the last 3 years. Believing with you that He has good for our hearts in this season.
Love you deeply.
:) hang in there. Lincoln looks amazing. He is radiant! I just saw your comment from like April or March on my blog....that shows where I am :) my email is bbcole7@gmail.com I have the same thoughts, and I'm homeschooling all of mind not just 2. I try to remember there will be lots of years for me and I'll be missing all "this." Doesn't really work, but it's what I tell myself ;)
You do an amazing job!!
On a totally unrelated note.....can you post what you do for breakfasts? Or link what you do if you've already posted. We are stuck in the cereal rut. We are adopting your salad night. I'd really like to get out of boxed cereal and doing something healthier. :)
Just reading this… yes, yes, and yes. Just where he wants you. At his feet. Relying on him. Uncomfortable. It's a crappy place to be. As Sean T. says in Insanity…. I'm right here… I'm right here with you. We all are and so is He. xoxo
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