peace

{oh. the trust of a child! "mom. pick me up and let me fall back until my head touches the floor." may i trust my Father that much!!}
 

"What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?" 
from "Blessings" a song by Laura Story :: a song that speaks to my heart over and over and over again

it's 10 o'clock on a friday night. not my usual time to be writing here.
i'm in my bed with my laptop. not my usual place to be writing here.
but here i am.

rebekah has been gone for almost a week. she comes home tomorrow. i am definitely counting the hours. pat and joshua started a "guy weekend" yesterday (through tomorrow). pat spent a LOT of time planning it. they are doing all kinds of fun "guy" things..and joshua is learning from one of the greatest guys around what it means to be "a guy."

having the older 2 gone has changed the dynamics around here bigtime. i was looking forward to the time with the younger 4. but it's been mostly miserable because they are all out of whack with their big sister AND brother gone. all kinds of arguing and such. i've spent most of the time MOTHERING and little bits of time HAVING FUN. but that's ok. it's what they needed. so it's what we did. but i'm exhausted!

a week ago, i could hardly take a deep breath because i was on the verge of a nervous breakdown every minute. and i couldn't explain why. nothing "big" was happening. just lots of little things were going on. i was clinging to Him and claiming His promises...but i wasn't feeling them. and i was super frustrated with myself. there was no peace in my heart or spirit. and i yearned for it so badly.

tonight i'm completely at peace. all the same "little things" are going on. nothing has really changed. yet my spirit is great. things that had me in tears last week, have me laughing this week. i'm certain it's all Him. His timing and His peace and His way. it was a miserable couple weeks. i'm trying to find a balance between trying to process it and learn from it, and just being thankful that it's over and He is still who He says He is...no matter what!

i'm going to bed with a peaceful heart and a FULL, nearly impossible, day ahead of me tomorrow. bring it on! i'm just praying i see HIM in each moment.