presence not projects

"The world can make you think that love can be picked up at a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that god created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright. ...the brand of love that Jesus offers is that it's more about presence than undertaking a project. It's a brand of love that doesn't just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. Love does."

Bob Goff

we aren't doing a "thankful tree" or "thankful turkey" this year.

i look back at last fall and i did so many PROJECTS. {i am NOT NOT saying there is anything wrong with those projects!}

but, when i look back, i was trying SO HARD to make things seem and feel NORMAL even though they we were in the midst of the most hell-ish months of our family. it wasn't beautiful. it didn't feel good. it was hard and ugly and messy and loud and uncomfortable. 

i was trying SO HARD to assuage the many guilt feelings i felt about everything and everyone.

and trying SO HARD to make things feel NORMAL.

and trying SO HARD to find myself amidst all the chaos (making a rice krispie cake on the first day of school...or a thankful tree are ME...the crafty, creative side. and i feel like ME when i do those things.)

{our thankful tree from last year. man. it WAS cool! :-)}

i actually don't regret any of it. it's what i needed to do to get through it. but, this year is a different year, we are all in different places and i'm being called to ACT differently.

november came upon me like a surprise party. i have NO idea where it came from?!? 

{i think it was that MOST BEAUTIFUL wedding that consumed the month of october that is to blame...but i actually think the surprise of it has turned out to be a blessing!}

so, november hit the day after halloween and i started seeing thankful trees and turkeys and reading what everyone is thankful for every day on facebook (which i LOVE to read and it blesses me so much!) and my "DO-ING" nature wanted to JUMP right on it all! to RUN outside and find branches for our thankful turkey. or to start cutting out leaves to write things we're thankful for on. or to start listing things i'm thankful for. 

but i didn't. 

i thought before i acted. and prayed. and didn't let myself feel the pressure to DO.

and i've been REALLY watching my kids the last few days. i've been stopping to just hug bailey and feel her melt into me. i've been playing peek a boo with levi...over and over and over and letting him laugh that 2 year old pure joy laugh every.single.time. i've been sitting down when rebekah starts telling her stories and listening to every.single.detail and REALLY caring {ok. about most of the details....there are a LOT!} 

i need to be PRESENT more.

they don't need me to do more PROJECTS with them. 

and, at this point in their lives, with 6 of them, from middle school to toddler, i can't do PROJECTS and be PRESENT both at the same time. if i added a thankful tree right now, i would give up those moments to be present.

again. NOT saying that YOU are by doing a project. i'm just so very thankful that He showed this to me. before i got in the midst of another project. 

honestly, it's much easier for me to love by doing PROJECTS than by "just" being present. so, this november, i'm going to work on being present. 

and i'm SURE there will be some projects come december ;-)