Sunday, November 18, 2012

let's catch up...

this is going to be random.
but we're going to be all caught up at the end and ready to start a new week, ok??

this is how levi checks out what's for dinner. that kid. he is all over the place! {i LOVE how his little boys melts into me, his little legs wrap around me. oh, how i love FEELING like his mom with every inch of my being. i don't only KNOW i'm his mom. i FEEL it. i don't take that for granted like i did with my other kids!}
last week was tough. it started out GREAT...got harder as the week went on...and by the end i was fighting the ugly cry with pretty much every new hour and all it brought before me.

thursday we got to go build an indian village in bailey's class...then eat lunch with her :-)

have i shared this before?? i can't remember...but you MUST get it if you love the jesus storybook bible as much as we do. i pretty much cry every time i read it. a number of months ago, the AUDIO version of it was on sale for kindle...which we can listen to on the ipad. i bought it for a few dollars at the time, and sawyer LOVES to listen to it. i prefer to read it TO him, of course. but, some mornings, while i'm folding laundry or something, he'll ask to listen to it. how can i say no?? i'll admit to playing it sometimes during naptime just to listen to while my hands are busy.

{side note: every screen i look at lately is DIRTY. this laptop screen i'm staring at. dirty. so so dirty. the ipad screen? dirty. it annoys me. for WEEKS. yet i don't clean them? why??}
we made a christmas card for the little boy we sponsor in sierra leone. his name is moses. we started sponsoring him when he (and joshua) were 4. now they are both almost 9. crazy! he is a smart, wonderful little boy that we have loved watching grow!

i just loved sawyer's pictures in the card...
yesterday was kind of a crazy day. i got up at 5 am to get my long run in {no i didn't HAVE to run. but, if you know me, you know that i do HAVE to run :-) and it was a great run!} home by 7ish so that pat, rebekah and joshua could leave. they were a part of a HUGE service project at our church...from 7:45 am until 10 pm!

pat left the project around noon to head to JMU with 8 guys...to watch a football game and spend the night. he got home this afternoon.

i had the whole day with the 4 little ones (not sure i've had that combo before?) i admit to dreading it....but being pleasantly surprised! it ended up being a really great day together!

lincoln and i even did his christmas shopping! :-)
i have SUCH a hard time relaxing. like, REALLY relaxing and being kind to myself. i was determined to do so last night. and i'm proud to say i did it! i didn't touch my computer or make ANY lists. i ate a bowl of ice cream (with a chocolate chip cookie from chick fil a in it - i've NEVER had one of those before. OH MY GOODNESS. HOW have i never had one?? they are like the best things EVER! yikes!) drank a diet coke from chick fil a and watched a movie that i rented (the WHOLE thing!) i know, probably doesn't sound that amazing. but it was. OH, it was! i was really proud of myself. how silly does that sound??

this was one afternoon last week...our weather is staying pretty nice! 50's and sunny lately. i'll take it!
she read OUT LOUD to levi most of the way. obsessed. she is obsessed with reading.
after 3 days of 2+ hours at the school each time, friday came and the day i was supposed to go to lincon's class. i just couldn't do it. i had to go grocery shopping. and i couldn't handle the rush and chaos and stress that being at the school with sawyer and levi caused...and coming home when they SHOULD be taking their naps...and them not getting good naps...and throwing them in bed all crazytown mode one more day. so, we went grocery shopping. and i felt guilty ALL day. and they got good naps. and i enjoyed putting them down with their "normal" little routines (levi gets tickled...over and over and over. sawyer and i read a book together...all snuggled in his bed.) i don't know if i made the right decision. i just knew i couldn't do it. i was seriously on the verge of a breakdown - so were those 2 little boys. it could have ended up ugly. so i said no.

and the first words out of lincoln's mouth when i picked him up were about "all the other moms" being there. and i felt MORE guilty.

but then i looked through his papers. and this was there.
and i could have let it make me feel MORE guilty. but it didn't. it actually felt like a whisper from God. saying, "it's ok."

as the week turned into the weekend, i felt so CARRIED by the prayers of others. i was pretty overwhelmed and suffocated going INTO the weekend, and it made NO sense that as the hours went on, i felt lighter and more energetic and MORE patient. made NO sense...except that OTHERS were praying for me. THANK YOU...it sounds little and not some huge miracle or something, but it wasn't lost on me. i had a recipe for disaster on my hands...and He turned it into sweet time for us all. amazing!


trying to do right for them ALL is so hard. trying to balance it ALL is so hard. i do my best. i'm learning to say no some. i'll always struggle with wanting to do more and better. but i'm learning to trust that He will fill in the gaps that i can't. and that, even if they are disappointed in who i am sometimes, that i will ALWAYS point them to the One that will NEVER disappoint them.

after a crazy weekend, we had a super nice, relaxing afternoon and evening today! a long walk outside. pat and i reconnecting after a LONG (for me...probable not for him :-) couple days apart. reading our thanksgiving book for the candle. and an early bedtime for us all...
looking forward to the week ahead!!!

3 comments:

Ali said...

oh girl. I am exhausted just reading this. Thankful you saw HIM at work in you and your family even in the midst of the craziness, exhaustion and tears. love you!

Unknown said...

Oh Courtney, that pie! *melt* He's thankful for you! So sweet.

Leighann said...

no words. i just want you to know i'm here. you're doing a great job listening to Him... and with the kids. And your night alone sounds amazing to me. :)