if we sat down together today, this is what i would say

i breathed a HUGE sigh of relief as the big kids headed off to school today. and right after that sigh, i was hit with a huge wave of GUILT for feeling that way. ugh. i DO love being their mom. but they are so loud and, when they are at home, they are ALL together and RIGHT where i am most of the time. i know one day, when they all go off to their rooms (when does that start??) i will wish for this...but it's just suffocating sometimes! the last 2 days with them at home were MUCH better than i expected. but i think that's because i kept my expectations very low. and i was mentally prepared. i also went to the gym both days. i think that was key...getting an hour to SWEAT!

my kickboxing class had pj day. it was supposed to be last tuesday. but the gym was closed because of the hurricane. my instructor is the one on the right, fiona. she's the best. and her class makes me feel super hardcore (even though i'm not!) i've been going to her class for about 2 years...and i have such left LOTS of emotions in there...kicked and punched LOTS of frustration out. (i look like the loser in this pic - they went shopping together. but let me be in their picture :-)

i walked up to vote yesterday during naptime. it takes me about 5 minutes to walk up to the school where i needed to vote. it was a beautiful, sunny day. i left 3 kids napping and 3 kids watching a movie in my house. i was struck with how grateful i am, to live this life God has given me. in a country where we vote for our leaders in such a civilized way (and how, later that night, both sides calmly and graciously conceded or accepted their roles.) i was thankful for the opportunity to teach my kids this morning over the breakfast table...about LOVING and not hating...even when the outcome might not be what we hoped for...and that we RESPECT and pray for our president no matter WHO it is (and, ultimately, the God we serve is in control no matter who the President is!)

pat got home early (he took a class and it got out when it was still daylight!) so i took rebekah to target. i'm going to take each kid shopping sometime between now and christmas - to buy gifts for their siblings. it was fun to be with just her! she is SUCH an amazing girl! (and so generous!)

sometimes i am tempted to think we've come SO far with lincoln. and then he eats his dinner so fast he literally throws up. ugh. such deep issues in his little heart. and my heart is so quick to be frustrated and confused...i want it to be so quick to JUST LOVE.

today it looks and feels like snow outside. it's not actually going to snow. but i still love the feeling!

tonight is the kickoff of our missions conference at our church. every year a handful of missionaries that our church supports come home and share with us. we SO look forward to hearing from them!! it always blesses us so much! (and puts all our stupid worries into perspective!)

going on 11 years of someone ALWAYS being in the bathroom with me when i take a shower/get ready. one day, it will end. i know it will. and i won't know what to do! :-) it might feel lonely?!?

pat and i are going away this weekend. we have some things to accomplish, but, mostly, we just want to BE together! i enjoyed sharing with hannah and her bridesmaids how marriage REALLY just keeps getting better and better as time goes on. i'm not sure they believed me. but, it really IS true! i also think walking out into deep waters (the FBI journey, our adoption journey) gives a marriage a crazy boost...just from experience ;-) i can't wait to just be with him!

life isn't perfect. i fail myself and others EVERY day, we have family drama, and we run our of patience with each other before the days are over. but, HE is enough. for all of it. and i'm so very thankful.