new territory - parenting older kids

 
it was late one afternoon during the first week of school. we were at the pool for one last swim. me with all 6 kids. i spent every moment just making sure no one was drowning. until...

she plopped down next to me and said, "mom, i need to tell you something and you're going to be disappointed in me."

when "they" say God will give you the grace you need in the moment, it's true. i had NOTHING in that moment. i was already SO over being done. past. empty. and yet, i had EXACTLY what i needed to meet her where she was.

she shared. she cried. His Spirit had been working in her. she'd been talking to Him about it...a lot...and He "told" her to talk to me. she {clearly!} couldn't wait another minute. this was the time. i wasn't going to get another chance to get this right...this first time that she came to me like this. i listened...calmly. and He gave me truth to speak to her heart. forgiveness. leaving it behind. taking your thoughts captive. i told her i was so very proud of her for not pushing His Spirit away, for coming to me, for being willing to work through it.

we've screwed up a lot as parents. and a lot on the FIRST time doing things, especially with the FIRST child. but this time? i think we actually got it right. i know we won't always. but we did this time. and it was ALL Him.

i've talked to some of you about how hard she was as a baby...actually until she was 6 years old. REALLY hard. that book - the strong-willed child? i think she was the model that he wrote it after ;-) so many days of desperation, hopelessness, wondering if ANYthing we were doing was working or getting through?? it was. IT WAS! keep at it. it's getting in there. that precious girl that was crying a broken-hearted confession is proof. THAT is what we prayed for, hoped for all those many long days...that HE would guide her in her life. and He did. she didn't have to come to me, i would never have known. she chose the hard thing and was willing to go through whatever that meant because He told her to. flat out obedience. wow!

we are entering new territory as parents. and i'm terrified. "they" say that having toddler/babies is the hardest. even Dobson says it (like the EXPERT on parenting!) and i always thought it made sense. until now. yes, have toddlers/babies is hard. i'm not taking that away from any of you with that. it's super hard physically. but you can feed them and change them and put them down for naps and they are COMPLETELY in your control. AND you don't have to worry {so much} about every word that comes out of your mouth. you don't have to hide in the bathroom with your husband...not to kiss...but to have that conversation that you don't want them to hear. they are listening and watching and ohsoaware of all that's going on. it's good accoutability, for sure. but HARD on a whole new level. not to mention, they are changing from BABIES to PEOPLE! like, people that are going growing up right before your eyes and you are going to send out into the world one day...much sooner than you'd like to think. each one of them has the ability to influence the world in great ways. but for now? they are yours. they are looking to YOU for guidance and for what living and loving looks like. see?? HARD! not physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

i know, i need to give them to Him. and i am. i do. but i'm just voicing my observations lately. i feel more exhausted than ever...and my kids are only getting older! 

i'm equally excited and terrified. but moving forward...