Friday, September 7, 2012

i don't know much

i expected there to be "issues" with the transition to school...especially in lincoln. i just didn't know WHAT it would be. kind of like how i knew when we brought lincoln and levi home it would be hard, i just didn't know HOW it would be hard.

lincoln is LOVING school. he's all smiles and super happy to go each day. if someone asks him how his day at school was, he says, "supa guud!" man, i love how he talks. just not how MUCH he talks.

yet he's pooped in his pants the last 4 of 5 afternoons. no, he's not holding it all day. 2 of those days weren't school days. he's flat out told me, "i go to the toilet at school, just not at home." i am so blessed to have a number of people i can go to (or that come to me when they know i need them!) to say, "is this normal?" "what did/would you do?" "what the HECK!??!" one night this week, after hearing all kinds of advice and tips, i was up most of the night (and this is major. i take DRUGS to sleep pretty much every night since we got the referrals for lincoln and levi. i NEED my sleep) wondering and worrying and pondering and praying. i got up the next morning super confused, super tired and super discouraged.

as i prayed through the morning, God spoke CLEARLY to my heart (not audibly, i just KNEW):

LOVE HIM

that's all i KNOW. i don't KNOW if so-and-so's advice is "right" - maybe it was for her kid and not for mine. i don't KNOW so many things...i never will. i need to stop making things so complicated. it comes down to ONE thing.

i don't know much. but what i DO know is that i am called to LOVE. period. i know, what does that practically look like in the day to day moments, right? i asked the same thing of Him. and you know what He said?? "I will show you." and He has. in every moment, every circumstance, every instance. have i done it perfectly? no. i never will. sometimes i KNOW what to do and i don't.

it's been a hard week. actually, quite brutal. but, it's also been good, because HE is good even amidst the hard.

"show me how to love like you have loved me" - hosanna - our family's FAVORITE song this year.

{happy friday!! :-)}

3 comments:

anthonyandbeth said...

Knowing that much Courtney is a LOT! I'd say most of us focus on the "do" more than the LOVE and His sweet reminder to you is a gift! All of us are hard to love at times and your love for him inspite of himself will point him to Jesus more than anything else. It will draw him to you more than anything else. We all LONG to be loved. Just because and no matter what. :)

Liza said...

Such a sweet, simple message we all need, I think. Wish it was that simple to do! Thanks for helping us along :)

Katy said...

yes yes yes!! Great reminder for all of us when we are "stuck" with something on one of our kids. Praying God will show you exactly when and how you should step and praying that your love and HIS love completely overwhelms and envelops sweet Lincoln. (And I love how I can totally hear his voice in the words you typed :) )