a year of being "8"

we became 8 a year ago.

after waiting for 2 years to meet our sons, and traveling for 3 weeks to bring them home (and leaving my baby behind!), we stepped off a plane a year ago today and became a family of 8.
cassada homecoming! from jenn gorrie on Vimeo.

i admit that this is all i was thinking about that morning. as we got off the plane, and gave lincoln a bath in the airport sink, and waited in line at customs...I JUST WANTED TO HOLD MY BABY!

and from the looks of these pictures, i don't think i was alone in my desires :-)

once he was safely in my arms, it was SUCH a sweet day of celebrating with family and friends. it will always be one of the most precious days of my life. such love. such support. poured out on us abundantly.

so. it's been quite the year.

much of the first 6-8 months felt like hell. 

yet heaven shone down throughout.

the only way that makes sense is through the God that was in control of each of those moments. none of us are the same. i think we all have scars to show. but as long as HE is glorified through it, that's ok!

lincoln and levi suffered great loss and trauma (a lot of which we will never even know...but, after knowing them this year, we know it's in there) in their little lives. we were not their first family. we were a family unit and welcomed them in but that does NOT mean it was easy. it was brutal. painful. i've never felt so helpless, hopeless, out of control of my emotions. if i didn't have a God to hold onto...when i felt like there was NOTHING else, i don't know how i would have made it. i think i've blocked a lot of it out, because when i try to remember, i can't. (and, after some reading, i'm fully aware that i very possibly have some secondary post traumatic stress from it all...God will work and heal. it's going to be ok.)

but do you hear how everything i'm saying is past tense? we've come SO very far. our house is mostly peaceful {i mean, amidst the chaos, but peaceful underneath it all}. we are a FAMILY...all 8 of us. love is growing and bonds are forming. once i stopped TRYING to hard to make things grow that i couldn't make grow, and gave it up to Him - the giver of life and author of love.

i wouldn't trade any of it.
because it's HIS story. HE has made Himself known greatly through it, through all the pain and hurt and tears and joy and laughs and victories and questions and answers.
i will suffer and fight and cry out as long as it takes. because He's in it.
and i know He will redeem it ALL. He already has done so much. 2 little boys that needed a family have one! we might not be perfect. but they are ours. we are theirs. forever.
and we still have a ways to go...but who doesn't??

i can't end this without thanking YOU. some of you i've never met. many of you i know. thank you for loving our family. for praying for us. for supporting and encouraging us. i KNOW that your prayers carried us through moments where we couldn't carry ourselves. you are a part of this beautiful story. thank you!