perspective

i am finding it hard to find words. rare for me.

i think it's mostly the effects of 1 1/2 days of lent observance. i almost felt sick by the end of the day yesterday, as a result of all my body was craving. it was a HARD day in that respect. but, a good hard. and had me relying solely on Him. that is the point, right? and i do think (hope!) the physical effects get better...i am really not a very good mom like this.

it also ended up being a kind of crazy (but fun!) day. oh, and i was diagnosed with a hernia in my stomach. so, there's that. we're leaving it be for now. it was causing me LOTS of discomfort, but it's better now...we'll see.


sometimes levi wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. and he usually snaps out of it pretty quickly. this morning, he wasn't snapping out of it. and the spark was gone from his eyes. so i took his temperature. and he had a fever.

we spent a lot of the morning like this...

that looks all sweet and peaceful, right? unless you change the perspective a little...and then you have this... :-)

i loved loved loved holding that sweet, warm baby most of the morning. in moments like that, my mind quickly goes to the many moments i didn't have with him (and lincoln). but i choose not to dwell on them. i can't get them back. my goal isn't even to make up for all those lost moments - i'm not sure that's possible. and i don't wish it away. does it HURT my heart to think of those moments i lost and what they were like for them? YES! but if i live our lives through that lens, it isn't right. that is who they are. God is the author of their story. and, for reasons we'll never know, our story and their story didn't meet at birth. i have jumped into being their mom with 2 feet and we are looking FORWARD, not back. and, with His help and love and grace and mercy, all of our hearts are growing closer to each other AND to Him each and every day. i see glimpses and it's more than beautiful!