leaning in...

HUGE progress with levi in the last week or so.
i don't realize something is missing until it isn't anymore.

about a week ago, he started doing this when i would pick him up to go to bed -either at naptime OR at night.

he would totally relax into me and put his little arms around my neck and squeeze. most precious thing ever.

"they" say that it takes as long as your adopted child was NOT with you for them to fully adjust/bond/BE YOURS. i didn't want to believe it. i hoped it wouldn't take THAT LONG. but...here we are, 7 months in (he was 12 months old when we met him), and it's still happening, little parts at a time with levi. we communicate with our eyes now. he reads me. i read him. he says, "mommy!" all day long.

and now, he leans into me. it FEELS like trust and it makes my heart sing.

and makes my heart hurt to think it could take 4 years to "get there" with lincoln. but, instead of a naive hope that it won't take that long, i SEE how far we have to go and we will fight and love and press on until we get there. we go 2 steps forward and 1 step back (i like to believe that instead of 1 step forward, 2 steps back...we ARE moving forward).

BIG weekend ahead! celebrating joshua's birthday with a REAL "friend" party tomorrow afternoon...friends coming into town to stay with us...part 2 of his party back at the house tomorrow night with cake (that in my HEAD is going to be amazing...we'll see!) and the grandparents. AND 3 basketball games tomorrow amidst it all! can't WAIT to celebrate this sweet boy!!! he's going to be 8 years old!!!