"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."
John 10:10
it was our second day of our christmas break!
i have really been struggling with how close our friend is to meeting Jesus in heaven. dying.
it has just made everything we are doing right now. especially right now - at "christmas" - seem so STUPID. and i just want to STOP and not do any of it!
but, yesterday, a number of times, these words were put into my mind,
"I HAVE COME SO THAT YOU MIGHT LIVE"
typically, i don't hear things in my head. and to hear the SAME words a number of times? i started listening and letting the words soak into my heart.
and it felt like i was being told to stop focusing on DEATH and focus on the LIFE i have. the children i have. the husband i have. today. this minute.
{later that day, i went to find where those words were from...hence the verse at the beginning of the post.}
this is not easy for me. i "accomplish" well. i "execute" well. but just....LIVE? i don't do that well.
but, i will say, that i did yesterday. i enjoyed and lived and it was pretty darn amazing!
i had a plan. i told them we were going to a surprise. i'd thought of this weeks ago. and just knew they would LOVE it!
we pulled into the mall parking lot. and i said,
"we're going to ride the train {there's this little train you can ride around the mall. lincoln has never had a ride on it. you might remember that's where i took sawyer right before school got out last year - just he and i.} and then eat lunch at chick fil a!"
there were cheers and much excitement!!!
i wanted to say, "yes" to things i normally would say, "no" to. when you have 6 kids, it's hard to say, "yes." it means lots of money, or lots of time, or lots of mess. but i was DETERMINED this day to make my kids feel special and loved by me NOT caring about those things. (don't misunderstand me here, i KNOW we can make our kids feel loved withOUT money being spent - i do that every OTHER day! thanks! :-)) as i was telling pat about our day last night, i said, "i VERY intentionally blew money on our kids today." he was pretty happy about that :-) truthfully, though, he smiled a GENUINE smile and said, "it sounds like you ALL had a great day."
we walked into the mall. walked up to the train thing.
IT.WAS.CLOSED. until next WEEK!!! because of so many people shopping! AHHH!!!!
i was SO sad. my kids handled it SO beautifully!!! i told them i was sorry. i knew they were disappointed. but they handled it well. we just started walking through the mall. we passed a sports store (foot locker or something). joshua said, "mom? can we go in there?" i said, "sure!" we walked around. he looked at the different teams on the shirts and hats. then we walked out. we walked past h&m. rebekah wanted to go in. so we did. "sure!" we walked past claire's. the girls wanted to go in. so we waited outside while they went in and looked around. "sure!" i LOVED having the TIME to be able to just say, "sure!"
{trying on hats in h&m}
{and masks...}
then we went to the food court to eat lunch. as we were walking towards chick fil a, joshua said, "mom. there's taco bell! can i get a taco?" i said, "sure!" he was SO happy with that $2 taco! {i still made them all drink water. i just can NOT spend all that money on fruit punch!}
there is a carousel at the end of the food court. they said, as we were finishing up eating, "can we ride the carousel?" {this is something that ONLY grandma does for them. but i think they were catching on to my mood :-)} i said, "sure!"
levi and i watched. levi wasn't too happy about that.
during rest time, the girls wanted to paint wood blocks. "sure!"
snack after rest time...pure sugar? "sure!"
{love that they shared it...}
THEN...after dinner, we told them to stay at the table {pat was home in time for dinner! whoo-hoo!} and we were going to bring in dessert.
this is what they got. and they were told to go get their pj's on and meet us at the "minivan express" to go look at christmas lights! {totally got the idea from pinterest}
i punched their ticket as they got in the car...
and then pat brought out bowls of popcorn for them to eat while we rode around!
it was a FUN day!
i enjoyed LIVING it!
was it perfect? no. lincoln is really having a hard time sharing me with everyone. he wants life to be all about him all the time. it's not. but it's even MORE not while they are all home. we had a HARD couple of hours around dinner time. i couldn't even eat dinner for the sick feeling in my stomach. but, we got through it and tried to move on. the next few days are going to be fun - watching him and levi experience christmas for the first time! but also hard - makes me remember the girls' birthdays and how his desire to be the center of attention threatened their days. it requires MUCH work and attentiveness on the part of pat and i to make sure everyone remembers their place. i am going to be mentally exhausted a few days from now. but we will do it, and we will do it as well as we can. i am praying, with hope, that we see forward movement and not backward. but also trying to keep my expectations low. i'm so VERY thankful for the husband and father that pat is. his strength and perspective are so helpful.
sorry to end on a "hard" note - but that's life these days! beautiful AND hard. but we will LIVE it!
"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."
John 10:10
2 comments:
I actually teared up for you...I know what a feat it is to get everyone somewhere...and feed them all in a food court!! ((hugs)) Sounds like you all had a great time anyway!! Have a blessed Christmas!
You are the coolest mom ever. ever. ever.
I am utterly EXHAUSTED by the end of the day. I am not sure how you do it.
You are amazing.
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