i got in the pool and told myself i was going to swim it out.
i wasn't getting out until it was gone.
you guys.
i feel like a broken record. i KNOW i sound like a broken record.
as my body did circles back and forth in the water, my mind and heart were also swimming in circles.
this is too hard. i can't do this. i don't have what it takes.
He has done this. He has been faithful. He will continue to be. yes, yes...
and then...
but if i trust that {and i DO}, i know i will be back here next week...or even tomorrow.
maybe not in the pool. but in despair. in frustration. i never LEARN. i'm so weak...
but He is strong. i can't do this. but He can. He will use even the times i mess up for His glory. yes, yes...
but what if my kids remember when i was impatient instead of when i was loving?
what if they remember when i yelled instead of listened?
what if i have RUINED them?
they aren't yours. they are Mine. and your faults will help them to know you were not perfect - just like they are not perfect. your asking forgiveness of them will show them how to ask forgiveness of others...and of Me. trust Me with them. trust Me with yourself.
but i'm so TIRED. and i fail so often. and no one wants to hear it anymore. not pat. not my kids. not my friends. it's the same thing...over and over...and over...
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
it took 51 laps before i could finish a lap without arguing back.
11 comments:
this is awesome
you are loved with an everlasting love.
Thanks for this encouragement....it's for me to be reminded of these Truths too.
How beautiful it is that we love a God who can handle (and even welcomes) our arguments!
Love covers a multitude of sins
1 Peter 4:8 My mom messed up regularly, but she's my best friend. When it's all said and done, and I look back, I see her love weaved throughout my life ... weaved over top and covering where she messed up.
51 laps is pretty stinking impressive as far as physical exercise goes. wow!
He is not done with you yet, friend. There must be more and I know you'll be thankful in the end.
I am glad His truths come quickly, even if the arguments against them do too.
He will WIN! In fact, He has won.
Thank you for this!
So encouraged by your humility and vulnerability. So thankful to get a peak into a real relationship with a loving Savior.
Oh so good ~ the process is what gets us to HIM isn't it. Into His presence we go.....in our weakness. I love you Courtney. You are doing GREAT.....in the midst. Praying for you and am here for you whenever you need a break, a hug, an ear to listen...
chiming in here with the most unspiritual thing but 51 LAPS IS A LOT OF LAPS!???
wow girl! and I'm glad you had that conversation with Him...it will be rewarded, no matter how many times you have to have it.
(I'm studying Job right now and girl, he had that conversation SO many times too!)
I echo Holly. Your spiritual "wrestling" is so real. I appreciate your heart to share....but 51 laps?! Holy cow!!
You are working it out WITH Him and that's all that matters.
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