would you do it again?

no one has asked me that question. not outright exactly.

but they've asked it in other questions. and comments. and looks.

"would you do it again? if you knew what it was going to be like?"

{i could wait and write this post when things are "better". but i think it's more important to write this post now. when things are HARD. because the way things are doesn't change what is TRUE.}

YES we would do it again. absolutely.
why? because we will obey.

not because i think it's going to get easier. i don't know that it will {Lord knows i HOPE and PRAY that it will. but there is no promise of that.} i just had to come to grips with this reality. things will change. we will make progress...we've seen it already. but, it might ALWAYS be hard.  

ALWAYS.
that makes me want to crawl under my sheets and never come out. i will crawl under my sheets. but i will come out.

why? because i will obey.

not because i think the feeling of love will most definitely develop. i don't know that they will {He also knows i SO desire this...but i will choose love even if i don't feel it.} this makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. HOW is my heart so ugly that i can't LOVE a person? a person that NEEDS my love. that needs his MOTHER'S love?? i will cry. and i will love. {and i will fail} and i will keep loving.

why? because i will obey.

all of our children get to a point when they are about 3-4 years old. where we've talked about "obeying" enough that we know they understand the concept. but they are having a hard time DOING it. we play this game. it's kind of a fun, silly thing. but we are dead serious.

we say, "when i say something. you DO it. it doesn't matter WHAT it is. you don't question it or delay doing it, you just do it. if i say, 'jump!' you JUMP!"

then we do silly things...like say, "run to the fridge and touch it and come back!"

and they run to the fridge and touch it and come back.

and we say, "good job!"

and on and on. just fun. yet teaching.

this is important. why? because if you run in the street and a car is coming and i say, "COME HERE!" i need to know you will COME HERE!

it might not always be fun or easy or what you want to do. but you just need to DO IT. because we know what is best for you.


this is why we would do it again.


because He asked us to do it. and we obeyed. it's that simple.

yes, we have 2 beautiful children because of that obedience.
yes, we have been blessed immensely by others' supporting us in countless ways.
yes, we have been able to experience His grace and strength in ways we NEVER have before.

but even if we didn't receive all of that or any of that, we would do it again.

because He asked us to.

it doesn't mean it's easy or fun.
just because something is HARD doesn't mean it's wrong. maybe it means it's right?

this is NOT about us. please don't read it that way. this is not a "we've done such a good job by obeying."

i just think sometimes we complicate things WAY more than necessary. and evaluate. and ponder {oh, we know i love to ponder :-)} and weigh the pro's and con's.

when, really?

He said so.


so do it.

what has He asked YOU to do???

People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.  [They] are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in  terms of success or wealth on this earth.

Francis Chan