fierce love

we skipped "school" this morning and had a dance party instead.
it was what we needed to do.
these 3 little boys are QUITE the trip.
i wish you could have heard the NOISE that went along with these pictures!
levi's squeals of joy are...um...loud :-)
but joyful!

when i was pregnant with joshua, i had a fear (anyone that has ever expected a second child will understand this fear).
i feared loving him the same way i did rebekah.

when i was pregnant with bailey, i STILL had that fear...thinking maybe it had run out after 2?

i knew when i had sawyer that i would love him. i guess i finally learned :-)

but now? i will admit to fear. a fear that i will love them like they DESERVE to be loved. every child deserves a mother's love. there is nothing on earth like it. no matter what a child says or acts like, they desire a mother's love above all else.

it took me different amounts of times to feel "bonded" to my first 4 children. different personalities, different circumstances in our lives...each one was different. but, it happened. i am their mom. and i love them with a FIERCE love.

i know that this bonding that is happening with lincoln and levi will take time. it is happening. it is beautiful. and painful. but it is happening - thanks to the grace of God. it can't be forced. it will happen in it's time.

but that FIERCE LOVE?? i expected to wait a long time for that.

it came upon me and knocked me over.
they weren't even awake.
i was reading something. {i've all but STOPPED reading "adoption books". enough said.} but for some reason i picked this one up. and read a little. i can't remember now exactly what it was saying, but i remember my thoughts went something like this...

"it's not about ME and if they love ME the way i want them to one day.
or if they ever accept me as their 'real' mother.
they might be angry at me one day for hurts in their past they aren't even aware of -
just because i'm there - not because i caused any of those hurts.
it's not about how i look as a mom.
i just want them to now their FATHER'S love.
i want them to know how precious they are to HIM.
moms...dads...siblings...friends...they all fail us.
HE WILL NEVER FAIL THEM.
but i will point them to Him.
and i will love them fiercely THROUGH IT ALL."

that love that i wondered when it would come??

it's here. and i'm so thankful.
it's hard to even describe. but it is fierce. and it is love.
and i am blown away by it.

maybe the deeper down you go with someone, the fiercer the love??
if so, lincoln and i have got one fierce thing going on here :-)

the song changed from a dancing one, to a slow one.
and it happened to be the song from the slideshow of us waiting for the boys (the first one at the bottom of the blog)
lincoln sat down and started singing.
you HAVE to listen to it. at least the last 5 seconds or so...don't miss the very end!
{the words to the chorus are under the video...wow...powerful!}

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
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faith to see beyond what i can see
faith to know that You will do great things
i will trust you, Lord
i'll always believe
as i hold onto my faith,
Jesus, You are holding onto me