the breakdown.
i was on my way to meet some friends for dessert to celebrate one of their birthdays.
i've been looking forward to it all day - anything "normal" is welcome right now.
and helps me leave the lists and "thoughts" behind.
i called another friend and left a message. totally started crying.
and it began.
the ugly cry.
where you can hardly catch your breath.
this is terrifying.
i'm not gonna lie.
i'm scared out of my mind.
i failed each of my children today in ways that seemed so BLATANT to me and it was almost like someone was screaming at me, "you really think you can do this?? for 2 MORE?"
He met me.
immediately, He was there.
His peace enveloped me.
i told Him that i trusted Him.
after all of this...the fear at the beginning...the long wait that seemed like it would never end...the costs that kept rising...He's met us EACH.STEP.OF.THE.WAY in HUGE ways. MORE than we could have imagined.
how can i not trust Him??
but it's all still overwhelming. terrifying. exciting. BIG.
so, the breakdown happened.
it had been building. it needed to happen.
and, now we move on :-)
{just took a tylenol pm. headed for my PILLOW for a GOOD night's sleep!!}
9 comments:
Faith. Unbending faith. Dependent faith. Courageous faith. And a response from Him...Unbending, dependable, tangible Love and Grace. That's my prayer for you.
Sleep well, my friend. Thinking of you so often!
Love you, friend!
He cares for you so nicely! You are being prayed for...miss ya!
Totally understandable Courtney! I hope you slept the best last night that you have in months! Thinking and praying for you and your expanding family.
thinking about you all the time.
grace and peace be with you-
love you!
It WAS bound to happen and it's a good thing it did. Tears are God's own language ~ they speak words to Him and He tends to the heart. I pray your spirit is refreshed and ready for the next chapter ~ I would say it IS! Love you Courtney.
I agree with your mom...ladies just need a good cry when there is lots going on and I am glad yours came on out! You are so loved and so covered in prayer. Love you!
i'm GLAD the breakdown happened yesterday! i was beginning to worry you were going to have it on the plane over to Africa!! God has been SO faithful and will continue to be as you begin this NEXT part of His journey. Love you!
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