well, it failed.
we planted the extra seeds we had in some pots i had...just so i didn't waste the seeds and those are the only ones that are still living.
sad.
oh well.
like a failure.
i'm just in that state where you feel completely incapable of doing anything well.
where i can't even concentrate/focus on anything long enough to accomplish ANYthing.
everything is so HARD.
even sitting and racing cars on the floor with sawyer is hard.
i just don't realize how much i need my WHOLE body to work!
seems like i'm in this perpetual cycle of feeling like a failure, then deciding to NOT believe that lie and knowing i'm doing the best i can in the moment, and then having to say, "no" to someone again or reacting in a not so kind/patient/gracious way because of the pain underlying every moment and then the "FAIL" lie pops right back in.
exhausting.
BUT...my mom blessed me SO much today.
she watched bailey and sawyer so i could get 2 more fillings done.
bought me a diet coke.
fed them lunch.
got bailey on the bus.
hugged me and loved me.
AND made and left us a YUMMY dinner for tonight!
she's the best.
another blessing...i did NOT wake up last night from pain in my foot!
hopefully that will continue.
sorry i'm so whiny...just being real.
and clinging to the HOPE that He is in this. He will use this. He is making me stronger through it. and He will get some glory through all my imperfections...
8 comments:
that's it! you summed it up - His power IS made perfect in our weakness - so we gotta get out of His way so He can show Himself mighty!!! love you!
I haven't been here for a couple days... I'm so sorry about your foot! I know how much you hate to be still. :) Thinking of you and hoping that these 6 weeks go fast. Like someone said... maybe you will have an awesome toned butt by the end of all this! :) Hang in there, sweet friend.
I totally got an F on the egg seeds too. It all started when I accidentally dropped them in the sink and a bit of the dirt came out. I wasn't sure if the seeds were in the dirt that went down the drain or not. And then I didn't really water them every day. And i threw them away last week. I am thinking now that I was really supposed to water them even more than normal because the water could evaporate through the egg shell more than a pot. Good for you to use a pot as your backup!
You are so NOT a failure. I'm glad to see you are holding on to the hope that God will make much of this in you. Because it is not just a hope. It is a PROMISE. In the oft quoted and always true Romans 8:28. Even when we can't quite see how it is true. Hang in there. Can't wait to hug you!
our egg shells started out strong but are now failing...
I think it's the lack of soil or something - it's not enough.
and, for the record, I want to fix your foot.
praying that you hear Him whispering "you are loved" and "fail" loses it's grip on you
I think I heard something about having to wash the eggshells first, did you do that?
And Katy said what I was going to say... His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
I'd blame the egg shells on the magazine you got the idea from. Technically small plants can't stay in a tiny pot for that long, they need to transplanted to a bigger pot or the roots get suffocated. Considering your injury, I bet those little plants felt the same way you do now.
I get it, for different reasons, but I know exactly how you are feeling. I am right there with you and needing there to be purpose in the pain, revelation of my worth, resistance of even the thought of being a failure, and rest for my, oh, so weary soul.
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