rejoicing

“Christ wants us to live in the present and in eternity. Satan wants us to live in the past and the future.”

CS Lewis paraphrase

i am rejoicing today.

my heart feels like itself!!!!

i have literally almost fallen on my face a number of times today out of thankfulness and rejoicing.

it feels so good to feel like ME!

i have no idea if i will feel like this tomorrow...or the next day.

but i do today.

and, since one of my goals/resolutions/whatever you want to call it is to be PRESENT and not worry so much about tomorrow...or the next minute...i'm choosing not to think about what i will feel like tomorrow. and i'm choosing not to dwell on the sadness i could feel about "ruining our christmas break" with my "messy heart."

i'm rejoicing that i feel like myself TODAY.

God’s trusting child may say in times of trouble:

FIRST: He brought me here; it is by His will I am in this strait place: in that will I rest.

NEXT: He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.

THEN: He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.

LAST: In His good time He can bring me out again—how and when He knows.

Say: I am here—

(1) By God’s appointment.

(2) In His keeping.

(3) Under His training.

(4) For His time.

Andrew Murray (1828-1917)

God clearly has a lot to teach me.
and i am choosing to believe that i am learning through this.

{AND i did call this morning and make an appt - which i'm a YEAR overdue for - to get hormone/thyroid levels checked...clearly should have done that a long time ago! even if i'm "healed" it's still going to be good to have all that checked out after the last few months!}

i took a calendar last night and went through my blog and marked with smiley faces and sad faces how i have felt from sept through now.
i can't BELIEVE any of you are still here reading!
good grief!
this has been the most "down" blog to come to day after day.
i'm like a broken record.

i hope and pray you know that none of it is for drama.
i'm just sharing my heart...but it sure hasn't been a fun place to come to.
i would apologize...except i can't.
this is HIS story.
and it's beautiful...even if it's hard and painful.

"one should never doubt in the darkness what God has told you in the light"

{i don't remember where i saw this...} 

i have been blessed with so many wise and brave people that have spoken truth into my heart over the last few months.

one of those truths is that this is exciting! 

that this painful, hard, confusing, dark road is the way through to a glorious ending.

i might not see it this side of heaven {though i HOPE and PRAY i do!!!!} 

but i am choosing to believe that He is in this and will make it beautiful.

will you rejoice with me tonight??

thank Him for a day full of LIGHT for my heart!!!!

and thank YOU for how you've carried me through this...moment by moment...day by day...