the reality

don't you just love getting everyone's beautiful christmas cards in the mail?
and reading about their perfect kids?
and checking online to see everyone's perfect traditions??
me, too.... ;-)

{i honestly DO love getting christmas cards...just saying}

yesterday afternoon was not great.
i failed {not miserably...just failed} at the "no computer" thing.
but, to my defense, the siding is flying off the side of our house with every wind gust and i was waiting for an estimate to come into my email so we can get it fixed. it never did. but i kept checking. also, the new recipe i was making for dinner {YUM!} was on my computer so i had to use it for that.

but each time i touched my computer, i hated it. which, i guess, is progress.

{the new game is "sawyer, the dog" :-) he seems to love it so, whatever!}

pat's been getting home late this month. he happens to work smack dab in the middle of the shopping capital of northern virginia (ALL virginia?!?) and all the crazy shoppers add about 30 minutes to his commute time. fun for him. fun for us. makes for lots of tired, cranky, frustrated Cassada's by 7:30 pm when we are all finally reunited.

i do pretty well til 6 pm.
if he walks in the door at 6:30, things are just starting to unravel, but i can fake it and pull it back together enough to welcome him home with happy kids and a happy wife.
but...you get to 7...7:15...7:30...i have nothing left to try. it's all used up. sometimes i think i'm smiling at him and he says, "what's wrong?" and i realize i literally can NOT get the smile to come out. i'm too "done."

and, i've realized this month, that my past habit of disappearing as soon as he gets home and having an hour or so to myself (putting laundry away, checking email, making my grocery list...while he does the candle and puts them to bed) really helped me a lot. this month i am PRESENT until they go to bed - so that i can help sawyer be a part of the candle. don't get me wrong...i LOVE sitting there with sawyer in my lap and his sweet little hands folded...for 2 seconds at a time, as i remind him over and over to fold them. and i LOVE hearing the kids' answers and when it's their turn to read the scripture and their prayers, oh, their prayers. but, we all have our limits, right??

last night, as pat was tucking them in bed and i took these 2 pictures, i was ridiculously excited to get my "perfect december combo" ready to enjoy.

for 11 months of the year, i only drink water. and 1 diet coke. a day.
in december, i drink 1 glass of my favorite combo - 7up, cranberry juice and orange juice.
AND my favorite cookies - vienese crescents {basically butter and flour and pecans rolled in powdered sugar}.

so...it looks like the perfect way to end a rough afternoon.
except that i was annoyed at the way the evening went.
so everything i said annoyed pat.
and we ended up being annoyed and just getting some random stuff done and NOT having a peaceful, "perfect" evening.

and, as i headed upstairs to bed with the sound of the siding continuing to fly off and hit the roof, and i peeked into each kids' room as they were sound asleep, and as i kissed pat goodnight, i was content.

no, it wasn't a perfect day.
or a perfect evening.
but i did the best with what i had.
and i pray that He covers the rest.