randomness on the eve of christmas eve

::i LOVE having all 4 kids home. even though there was only about .2 seconds with no one crying this morning...i still love it

::my mom came and watched sawyer yesterday so that i could go to bailey's christmas party at her school. i knew it was important that i be there. when i walked into her classroom, she ran over to me, jumped in my arms, put her arms and legs around me SO tightly that i didn't even have to hold her, and she was crying!!! like, tears of JOY! she just kept wiping them off her cheeks like she didn't know where they were coming from and she was laughing and it was just the sweetest thing EVER! i don't think i've ever witnessed someone cry TEARS OF JOY before! it's pretty amazing!

::i guess how i'm feeling right now isn't the first time. when i was looking for the link to the christmas date night from last year, i saw this post. hmm...

::i also saw this post. makes my heart ACHE...that's all i'll say about that. still no more answers or clarity...but a little more peace and patience in my heart. ok...i just listened to the song and i have more to say...i remember listening to that song last year. i cried. i wanted them home. i loved them. but this year it's SO much deeper. i know you can't understand it if you haven't been through it - i didn't. i would hear people say things like this and kind of wonder how what they were saying could be true? but the love that God has placed in my heart for those 2 boys is so real. and so true. and so deep. it hurts so much more this year. but i'm also praising Him in this moment as i'm realizing that He has grown that love so much in the past year...with no more information on them or timeline of when we will meet them...just HIM...He's grown the love. His love for those boys is SO big that He has placed a love in our hearts for 2 boys we've never met and that love just keeps growing and growing until the perfect time for them to join us.

::i am taking my "eat whatever i want in december" thing pretty seriously. it's fun! i'm going to be REALLY ready for some salads come january ;-) so will my pant's buttons!

::pat's on his way home. and it's not past 7 pm! all groceries are bought for the next few days. house is picked up so that we can destroy it with our celebrating. and now to try to quiet our hearts. that was pat's prayer this morning at breakfast and i loved it. hoping to find a way to quiet our hearts amidst it all...